Poetry: Melody of Being Animate (MBA)

27/1/15: Flames
on my 18th birthday we went out to a family restaurant, I remember on our way there I was thinking about how this could go either two ways but remembering our family history of unsettled relations entwining it was bound to be anything but, not long after we sat down at our table before I knew it dad said something that set the table on fire, I remember thinking how could i be so stupid, you can’t fix what was never really broken, I remembered the embarrassment, the sadness it was more than what we were celebrating because on that day I realised our family was something like a burning house fire, I was always made out to be extinguisher in the family, it was never a choice, my role in the family was to always take out the fires and to tame its blue flames, I was always trying to extinguish these red, yellow blue flames just like my mum told me, but dealing with other people’s problems never really gave me time to think about mine, I didn’t realise I was broken until I turned 20, I was always busy trying to fix our broken family but never myself, there were days where I’d be crying sometimes I didn’t even know why, there were days where I plotted my own life away thinking that was the only solution, I was so confused that it turned me into someone that was unable to talk unless spoken to, someone who was reserved because strangers were something to be feared, I was always taken advantage of by others because this was the constitution in my house as I was growing up, mum I learned how to trampled on because I was never allowed to say what hurt me, there are still days I sit in my room and cried without knowing why, sometimes it’s because I feel sorry for myself, I never let anyone know what was kept hidden inside growing up, there are still days when I cry in my room I fear those days will never end, I still don’t know why, I’m still learning about what makes me happy keeping them skin close, this is my way of surviving our burning house fire

FH.

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