Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

2/4/16
Selflove made personal

I can feel it all, I’m not sure when I started feeling like this, but its hard to forget nowadays, every time I’m reminded, I can feel the way my body pumps its blood, the beat, echo, rhythm of my heart, the endless cycle of emotions that leave this body, its all too complicated to understand, I’m convinced that it doesn’t belong to me, that there is something wrong with this body, I don’t know, somedays, it acts on its own, unable to make out its sound, the way it moves, how many steps, I’ve lost count of the times, the time, I feel like I’m running out of time, constantly seeking something, I would tell you but I don’t have the answer either, its so hard, I, it feels lost most of the time, days, year or two, I don’t know, do I need to be fixed, I don’t understand what’s happening exactly, I can’t seem to make anything out, all these clues they just seem pointless, I’m I pointless, I like being here, I think, existing, its hard, when I’m happy, I find myself thinking of my friends, music, my heroes, this life, I can’t sleep, is it overthinking, I’m I overthinking, everything, this whole time, I’m I broken, do I need to be fixed, can I be fixed, who can fix me, I just feel so lost, like nothing matters, whats the point, I remember Cassie, is Cassie real, does she exist in this lifetime, why do I think I’m broken so much, I just want to be happy, what’s wrong with me, I don’t know if I’m broken, I want to be fixed, can someone please fix me, I just want to be happy, again, when was I happy, I’m I happy now, I don’t understand, I can’t make sense of these feelings, these emotions, I find myself constantly talking to myself, trying to understand this body, souls, how many can exist in one body, I just want to be happy, I’m always writing down what I feel, constantly thinking about how this body will someday fall, understanding that it hurts too much, understanding that we only get one chance at life, understanding that this is it for us, on this earth, existing like this, what is my purpose, all I keep thinking about is I just want to be happy, I want to be fixed, is there something wrong with the way I think, I don’t know whats wrong with me, once they get too close, I start to feel like I can’t live without them, anyone, they all make me feel a different kind of good, almost happy, each happiness is different, I want to get better, I’m I sick somewhere, I don’t know why I keep feeling like this, its getting worse, I fight it, but it just keeps coming back, this feeling, like all my eyes want to do is cry, my body doesn’t want to make friends, I have to force it, to be happy, and my eyes, they just won’t stop, every time, I have to stop them, I’m trying to be happy, what’s wrong with me, shedding tears for nothing, being upset for nothing, over nothing, life is too short remember, we just want to be happy, isn’t that what life is mostly about, isn’t it, I’m just confused, I don’t understand why I’m like this, I just want to get better, I like music, it reminds me that even though we are sad, being happy is something to live for and we should always put selflove first before anything, anyone, we, you are more important, so we mustn’t give up on life, there’s still so much happiness left to do

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