Poem: Melody of Being Animate

18//5/16
Broke
I hate this feeling, a few bad words n I’m back to where I told myself to keep loving, I’m always left feeling the strain on my heartstrings, it was just a few bad words, careless, not careless, self-pity, that it only took a few words to doubt the way I chose to take lead, its not fair, I worked so hard to get to this far, how can a few words jolt this body so far back, god its so frustrating, when the ones who care so much hurt you without even this body knowing the damage after it was done, I was trying so hard to control what I could, it was just a few words, why did they cause this fragile, I don’t understand why its still this weak over a few words, I was in so much control that I was almost proud, I built this body back to pride, self-worth, trying to love, n its already showing the cracks, how can things be going so well then a few words its almost all worthless, I don’t know what to do, I can already feel my body, state of mind going back to its old tricks, playing a game I didn’t ask to be a part of, this is my body, why is it so hard to control what it mine, it belongs to me, why when I’m trying so hard to be better, when I’m doing all I can to be so happy, when things were starting to feel good, feel right, when I was starting to understand what happy was, a few words gave doubt the key n opened so much unnecessary, so much heartache, so many unwanted memories, moments, back then it was so hard, I had come so far, I don’t want to go back to when I’m feeling like this, its so damn hard when you don’t have the answers to what belongs to you, how can my body betray so easily, its mine, it was just a few words, I’m so scared now, something good had finally happened n now I feel like because of the I am n the way this body is slowly retracting to old ways I’m going to loose something that I don’t want to, that its going to be hard for me to be the person I am when I wasn’t, I know I am, the real me is slowly fading back into the pandora, I’m so scared, all the thoughts I was afraid of are coming back to haunt me, make anarchy of what I’ve worked so hard to become, it was only a few words, n that’s all it took for me to start feeling the broken all over again

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