17.08.16
Breathtaking
Can you tell me how to get through this, because I don’t know how to allow when the days that feel like a death inside this body
That the bones that hold it up are quickly disappearing into ashes quicker than I can breathe
It’s so difficult to undo this cycle, its not easy to forget, to just think about it later, it’s not as easy to take control
I don’t want to loose opportunity because of something I’m attempting to fix within
When healing becomes a ritual you start to loose focus on the bigger picture even though it’s all you want to do
I don’t want to rely on anyone but myself when it comes to this, I just want to be strong enough, brave enough, to take back control, I want this so bad that you aren’t enough to recognise this kind of mhysary
When I look at them n brace myself for plsusaable cause to speak, all my body reiacts is smile, it makes me feel like I don’t deserve to even be given a chance
N you might think how irrational, but it’s what I’ve known n in this comfort it’s not easy to choose the other way out
Its not even about comfortable anymore, it’s about how complicated, it’s about emotional verses logical, n how hard it is to process logical n apply that my state of mind has chosen to acknowledge it’s privilege but chosen to do nothing about the after math it leaves sugar caning this body, n the dream that makes able feel like breathing
How predictable, when breathing is now something to think about, rather than being second nature
