Poetry: Melody of Being Animate 

04.09.16

Understand vs Allow

Its at moments like this that I remember a lot of reasons why

When I feel so much n I can’t find the words

Even though my mind has so much complicated, give this body so much ache

It’s moments like this where I find writing is my voice

I use it to reason with mind n ask it to please stop, explain to it that these tears hurt, that when they blur my vision it’s much more than just vision that is taken away

Explain to it this is the impact it leaves this body feeling, scared, isolated, too much, unable, can’t cope, gives sugar cane to all that gives it life, complicating leaving this world, realize it’s the only solution, the only way out, its not comfortable it’s complicated

It’s giving back the key n saying I just want to live, so I would much rather do nothing n ask it to give it to remedy

Tell remedy that I lost control, that I don’t know what works anymore, that she can give the key back to you after she’s done with its privilege

I just want to lay here, drink up all this salt water n embrace all these feelings, allow it to feel what it wants, I just want to allow it to go through the motions

Allow it to heal even if it means opportunity not understanding it’s whip lash

That I can’t contain this constraint much longer, trailing trips back to painful conversation

I don’t understand these feelings n you won’t either, so is it best to just disappear

You won’t understand the way you carry n the way I carry are two different twins

I’m still learning to cradle

Given all its broken I’m learning that I can pick it up as many times needed, in the process there won’t be much progress, you’ll start to think that I don’t, that I can just, that I can choose, n I’ll tell you I know you do

Although let me ask you this, do you understand the complicate of cognitive, that yes choice is a choice although it also means you have to choose, how do you choose when you don’t understand, when understand sounds like tsunami, the way it rolls out of your mouth so easily, giving it reason, reason being simplified to ignorance when least expected unexpected then choice

Notice how this makes no sense, to you

This is how state of mind has chosen to use this body, to take over, I don’t need you to understand, I need you to allow n if you won’t allow

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