Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

24.01.17 | INSOMNIA (BREATHE)

Its 2:40 in the morning n my mind is left feeling anxiety from has beens, my body is trying to shake off the feeling how panic attacks, do you remember, while my eyes cry for its release, I can’t sleep

Im thinking about my relationship with her n how today is not going to be good, yesterday, she wasn’t too happy about me

In my mind Im contemplating leaving this all too familiar for anywhere, away, take this life away, anxiety has this rush way of making everything seem so logical, my emotions are flooding too fast I can’t keep track of all its demands

Im thinking about this one person waiting for them to come back, not being able to know they aren’t in the same air I breathe is making me physically unstable, Im consumed by their presence in past tence as I a wait their return, its frustrating to breathe

I’ve been tiering this body on purpose n I’m starting to feel defeat

Starting to feel irritated at myself, blaming this body for all the wrong it has robbed me, telling my mind it doesn’t have any business disrupting routine, all the good I have gathered to fall back all because I challenged, all because remerdy said 2 months n you told me that’s impossible, said that you won’t last that long without remerdy

Remebering that I still have my medication ready

Resisting the urge to check if my mediaction is still there, that it hasn’t expiered, that if it has I don’t have the money, that I am not stable enough without it

I’m scared, I can tell my body is scared it won’t stop crying

It won’t stop the conflict it has with the mind, Im left feeling both their pain

Its a blur of emotional n the day hasn’t even began

I can’t sleep, I want to breathe the same air

My body won’t stop until we’re breathing the same air

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