Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

01.02.17
Trigger Warning (bad habit)

I will always educate myself about n write about being black, advocate that mental health is not a snap out of it mood, that even I don’t understand how it chose to over take this body, sometimes I am left to rot into its cavity, will never understand really how much of a strain it takes to feel this whole bodies chaos, this bodies words wrapped up in unapologetic emotion, I am still understanding where it is all coming from will not stop helping it heal, will not stop feeling it heal, can not stop even if I wanted to, this body will remind me that it is constantly ill, that it doesn’t know what to do with the muscles, its bones, its pain, the hurt it doesn’t understand so on most days it will just feel, most days it will slowly begin to feel a lot like a death inside this body when this mood is stuck on this emotional, be careful with its mouth so it doesn’t use it, still doesn’t understand how to use it, will plead with the mind that it can do what it wants, trying to understand both this body n this illness, I will never stop writing about how it makes me feel, how it makes this body feel, the heart, the mind, the two souls, for a few days, to what felt like two weeks, lost all its memory of just a couple of days, can you imagine if I didn’t discover remedy, now I know why I am always so easily forgetting, what’s happening to me, inside this body, blank spaces that people said to me, suppressing so much of the emotion, that my body just chose to forget it all, sometimes I am not sure what to do, even now, even when it has come this far, I will never stop writing about being black, being woman, being ill, still unable to call it for what it is, its all a healing confrontation you see, I think that’s why I still seek validation that is not my own on a daily, will tell myself otherwise, but I will still find comfort somewhere else, not sure what to do with this bodies broken words, not sure if they meant them, so I will go to a warm body n seek validation, sometimes it feels like the only way to cope, nowadays it isn’t like this, nowadays, its becomes one of the biggest triggers, nowadays I wouldn’t say its a problem, its something like a bad habit, that now needs to be carefully refused

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