Poetry: Melody of being Animate

21.03.17 | 22.03.17
Fail..Failure..(confront this scheme..) (clinical d__ression+anxiety..)

“..I have always known it, never admit it always gave it an excuse, never gave it closer, it kept coming back didn’t know the difference between its narrative n how it affected this body daily, kept so many secrets away from me like it was trying to teach me a lesson that had no malice, clicked its tongue in my name n spoke of how much better it rang, kept telling me you’re not capable of dreaming that far you’re ill, your mind is constantly playing tricks on you, you don’t understand the way this body functions yet, excuse excuses excuses, a daily habit, basis started to take a toll when it got me, never liked the way it always chose to show its teeth before its mutilated words, thought it was so fitting that now it has excuses to its characters, don’t like the way it had claimed a broken leg, the way its thrown healing out of its excuses, its frustrating narrating to yourself every time it scheme’s, mindful about this bodies narrative never its enemies, will always choose to show its teeth doesn’t understand that loyalties s is not a solution its a demise, can it not see its bias, I’m starting to feel old habits, starting to notice them surfacing scared that self help is not enough, unsure about what this all really means for this body, for me now, unsure if I am showing healing enough gratitude, can feel my body braking from the inside, still no answers, no time span, there’s nothing to help me mend its broken for now, Im starting to feel cracks, it had only been three days ago, I stopped feeling its strain not long until I am unable again, can still feel its teeth sharpening each minute, closer each day, the mind is colonized, the heart is held captive to its fear, the body is constantly anxious about its next move, there’s no where to go when you’re trying to out ran your own..”

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