So it hasn’t been that long since I had my last check in here. I must admit I still haven’t been to my psych, and I messed up a little. Because I got so caught up in my head about whether I should really go, and what would remedy really ask me, and how basic would the questions and answers be on both ends. I don’t know if I told you, but I’ve hit a slump with therapy and its been really difficult and exhausting deciding whether to go for at least even one session or nah. So now that I’ve hit a breakdown with my mental health coming onto the first few days I think, (to be honest I can’t even remember its usually is a build up of past present and no explanation) I am really struggling to do anything. Also I am getting super irritated at anyone that tries to talk to me.
On a good note and less memory loss side of things, I am really starting to learn more and more about what it truly means to have self-respect for yourself, and no I don’t mean the basics. I mean the self-respect that comes along with selflessness and selfishness. I’ve really been putting a few people under microscopes obviously not to harm, or set them up for failure although in a way of seeing how or which path even people we deeply care about seeing what paths they take whether it be selflessness or selfishness, regardless of how small or big the situation is because reality is that differs from person to person. I’m slowly learning that often people are not sure and myself included how to talk or highlight their feelings, and I think this is where the situation feeds and grows room for assumptions. Anyway all in all, as a 23-year old hsp, INFJ-P female with major depression, I am learning that it is okay to be selfish and to communicate this. For this record still not there, still very much learning and realising that when someone hurts my feelings deeply from someone I care about so much that I should try and communicate it rather than try to brush it off, door slam them, or spare their feelings in the sacrifice of my own.
When it comes to self-respect, we need to allow room for communication in a compassionate and honest way. This way, both people involved feel respected in a variety of different instances, don’t take these two things for granted. Communication done with compassion and honesty is a beautiful way to go about problem solving with loved one’s, and others.
Side note: I’m really struggling to speak to my mum when I’m feeling depressed. Need to figure that one out, so I can start healing there too.
“thank you for reading.” fh