Poetry: Melody of Being Animate


I’m sitting here coming to you with a lazy wake up call, comfortable n taking everything in with deep thought, I’m composing my goals for next year n realizing that 2017 is going to be a year where I spill out of myself, it’ll make me face everything my body has been holding back, all the secrecy is going to end n all I have to say to anyone that is reading this, I am ready to always challenge my body, myself, my mind n the two souls that I have now allowed n accepted to freely roam this body, n I know very well that I am the type of woman that deeply appreciates passionate, alluring, ulterior, n manifesting answers to all the challenges that came this way, there is something so sultry, influential about self discovery, in saying this, as I said to my soul mate sometime, this month, last year, 2017 is going to be a good year.


Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

17/4/16 – 18/4/16
A letter to my younger self
I don’t even know where to start, which wound to apologize for, will never forgot the tears that up to this day will never stop, if there was one thing I had to apologize for first, it would be for up to this day about the way you feel about yourself, that even when you were younger told nobody about your scars, that I was always there with you, for you, I told you I would never leave you, even that day when you fought with her again n you went downstairs feeling so much, you couldn’t tell which emotion came first, you took the biggest table knife you could find in the kitchen drawer, put your arm out, made sure your eyes were ready, took the knife helping it find its way over your bare skin, you were only 12, this is what you wanted her to understand, even though it didn’t make sense to anybody but yourself, you tried to make her look as you cried for all you insecurities, your broken body, the pain, the emotion that you didn’t understand, you tried to make her feel what you felt but she didn’t understand even when that knife scrapped your bare skin several times, she never looked back, she never tried to look back, it was at that moment you felt that she didn’t care, that it wouldn’t matter, that you wouldn’t care if your blood found its way to the floor, a puddle of emotion, when I think about how when you were little you tried to make sense of so many things, but nothing was working, nothing felt the way it suppose to, there so many things to apologize for n I’m sorry about them, I’m sorry that even up to this day you still cry every single night, I’m sorry that even though you smile its not enough to fix the emotional anxiety, anxiety, something you can’t stop doing, I’m sorry that there’s nothing to really be appreciative of, all I can say is that at least now, I’m getting help, I’m trying so hard to be better for you, I made a promise to myself to be happy, to try n be positive, its all so hard even now, but I’m thankful I’m here today, I just want to make us happy, make these feelings stop, I want us to move forward, to be happy, so I’m getting help for the both of us

Entry 6: Its New Years Eve & I feel like I Need to Get Some Things off My Chest Before the New Year

Location: In my bed room listening to Neyo on blast So yesterday I was thinking about how much I’ve changed since I finished high school, which will be in three years after tomorrow. I couldn’t help but write down what … Continue reading

Poem: Melody of Being Animate

Breathless 29.11.15

I wrote this thinking of you 
When I think about the way your narrative has me caught up, in twine to every last breath

You remind me so much of myself, but at the same time, the complete opposite

The way you fumble upon your words, as though they were to come right out of my own, as you spit our story, leaving me wanting more at every climax

You say to let you know when it stops being this real, this magic

But that day, has still yet to never come

Coming to terms with all the imperfections about yourself, is the key to happiness said some 20 year old girl


12/07/15: My K-pop (Korean Pop) Story

When I was about 10 years old I was nothing but a back drop if I’m being really honest, I was always stuck in others shadow’s, I never spoke to people, if anything people spoke to me, I never had any real friends and I didn’t know anything about myself. It was something I never thought about. At this age I started getting teased for all sorts of things, people asked to touch my hair comparing it to the cushion of a pillow and even sheep fur, at this age I thought it was a complement, nothing more nothing less. I was just happy to get some attention, of what I thought would evolve into friendship.

When I was 11 the bullies became more frequent, my social anxiety become more known through out my year level, which made me want to keep to myself even more. I hated going to school, the sight of knowing that I’ll be alone all day was frustrating and made me feel uncomfortable. I hated being at home too, but my bedroom was my safe haven. I started writing poetry when I was at this age because one day I felt the satisfying rush of not having to constantly bottle up my feelings but writing them down on pieces of paper felt like a friend, I still have them even up until this day.

For me, going to high school was nothing to be proud of; To me it just meant that I’d still have no friends, my social anxiety would peek and I’d be left in a far worse position then what I was left with in primary school.

I was still writing poems at the age of 13, having no one to talk to it was the only way I could communicate what I felt. Being the way I was, shy, socially unable, distant and reluctant to talk made things hard for me, even while I was at home. My fights with my mum got worse by night and it always resulted to me plotting my life away, doing things I only imagined of doing but never putting them into motion.

My sisters always joke about me not being in their childhood and I joke back pretending I don’t know the real reason why, its simple, it’s because

“I was never happy enough to be together with even them, but locked up in my bedroom gave me a little bit of a taste”

Things started changing when I was in year 8.

I met one of my best friends who showed me a whole new meaning to life itself, she was my number one motivator and believer in anything I wanted to do. She was the friend I basically never had growing up, and I was so glad I finally got to meet her.

She is literally my world even up until today! she broke my shell of confidence and in that instant I become a new person I didn’t even know I could be funny. All these new personality qualities I had rushing through me were giving me a new meaning to being alive, I’m so grateful to her everyday I don’t think she even understands how much she had changed my life.

It was in my new process of learning about myself that I found the k-pop world. Flashy, cool gentlemen dancing and singing in Korean in which I feel in love. I’ll never forget it.

I was on Bebo after school and I went on my friends page. Scrolling down her profile I scanned the groups section and I saw this page which read something along the lines of ‘Asians are the best’ I clicked on it cause I wanted to see the display picture. But once I was on the actual page I scrolled down to see what it was about and that’s when I first experienced my blood rush for the right reasons watching a ‘Big Bang Haru haru (day by day)’ music video and from then on it was a snowball effect. I went onto YouTube searched Big Bang and timeless options came up; I listened to all their songs and that’s when I met with my ultimate k-pop group, ‘Super Junior’

The reason I say ‘Super Junior’ is my ultimate kpop group is that I think just like with any other loyal fan you gain a special connection with a band when you feel unhappy about a lot of things, and that band has the ability to make you instantly happy! regardless! that kind of connection can never be broken.

Super Junior become my main source of happiness no matter what, I can say this because it was a fact for me.

They helped me a lot through finding happiness within myself and being the person I am today, they helped mold me into this somewhat confident, sometimes straight forward, happy, learning about herself and what makes her happy kind of person. I have a lot to thank them for, and they don’t even know it.

If I had to leave one person who’s feeling uneasy about themselves or even unhappy is this

“I know its hard, but there is always someone out there waiting for you to meet them so you can be the best person you know you can, always have hope, you’re not the only one. Even now I’m still learning about myself, it’s all about being honest with yourself and allowing yourself to make those mistakes because without mistakes we won’t really know whether it was worth it or not, so it’s definitely worth a try. If you ever need an ear or advice I’m here and willing, never give up”


When you realize being in your early years of adulthood are still pretty intimidating but also you’re not the only one, you feel better

Entry 3# If there are things I’ve realized about being in my very early years of adulthood its these few things: Don’t worry your never the only one You don’t have to have yourself figured out The amount of people … Continue reading

My year 9 teacher waved at me once, I never waved back, I just watched her car drive away

Entry 2#

When I was in year 9 I was always tied down to my friends at school and my bedroom.

There was an incident that can never leave my memory. I always remember it so clearly when ever I tell others about this story, and each time my enthusiastic exclaiming is always exactly the same; Because as a child who was still learning not only about herself, how to deal with difficult situations and no confidence to boot, was tough.

This wasn’t the first time.

These two teachers were notorious for always shattering and shaming me whether it be in the classroom for everyone to hear or for my eyes and ears only.

I was siting at a corner with three of my friends with books that we had been asked to pick out of the sticker colour coated boxes.

I started reading the book I chose for the second time and the first few pages didn’t interest me at all, so I asked my friend what book she was reading and if I could read a few pages of it because I was thinking of getting another book anyway.

Turns out I passed the first chapter and I was hooked! So I made my way to swap my book for a more interesting read.

The teachers then called us back to our tables and went around asking each of us what book we had chosen.

It came to my turn and as soon I said which book I had decided on reading, right in front of the class Miss Hamilton had looked at Miss Russel and said

“are you sure she can read that..I don’t think she can” 

Right in front of everyone, then they both looked at me looked back and mind you I could hear every word they were saying and so could the whole class.

It was right at that moment that I had stopped reading all together. I remember feeling so embarrassed and dejected I didn’t even know what to do, I literally just wanted to run to the bathrooms and cry.

Since that day I have only read one book, and is in the stimulating process of reading another.

It’s a healing process.

Tima OUT.

Annyeong, from Australia: This is me taking a leap of faith into the unknown


I’ve been reading this book about constraints you face when you turn 20, its titled ‘What I wish I knew when I was 20’ by Tina Seelig.

She talks about a variety of problems, and solutions that are so simple, it’s literally ridiculous. She wrote this ingenuous book on how to exercise a creative mind. It was strange at first because I found it hard to believe that someone could easily just teach creativity, creativity isn’t something that you learn its something along the lines of talent. But as I read on she challenges you both physically and mentally in having an open mind about solutions to problems you may think are impossible. It took me until chapter 2 to realize that not only is she training and challenging my brain, but she’s unknowingly teaching your brain to have an open solution to everything that you may think is impossible, she guides you into thinking in a different, positive state of mind.

I’m now up to chapter 4, and realizing that I need to change the way I think and do things that I normally would not do because

“without failure how do you expect to succeed” 

So this is me challenging myself, putting myself out there into the unknown.

Tima OUT.