Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

19.6.17
life..(interlude..)

A welcomed conversation, how often do we get to sit this comfortable and witness the mind this open, do not forget about its illness it is a valuable asset to its existence, it is no disciplined definition, it is a diffident kind of love, we are still learning to exist with its interference’s, learning fearlessness from back bone, and fluid flowing into our stream, how often are we welcoming and welcomed of uncomfortable, do we accept its way of healing and slowly allow the word love to grace the mimic of our mouth, let the sun light in, you have been gone too long, been seen too often of room dimmed in candle lit long enough just to be called empty, you’re not empty, remember this heart, has been beating for every kind of love so many times there is no limit to selflessness, and the mind constantly having to be hero for the way this body beautifies, and how the body has learnt to hide behind broken so beautifully, we are only here to exist as we want, as we choose so careless to its boundaries, who needs constraints when you have found the absolute in living each day, when you’re hero each day-, thank you for reading this, I hope we can do this again sometime.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

7.6.17
Hurting.

What do you do when you can physically feel your body ashing its bones from the inside, you know this feeling too often always uninvited and doesn’t leave until it has made sure you have tried dying at least once, when you have this illness, that likes to eat your body from the deepest parts of its pain and you don’t understand where it found the courage to find it without letting you know first, this illness, likes to keep secrets and never tell this body how to fix its accidents, leaves the body feeling like it is ready to die from its own failure of not being able to locate its demise, how do you sit with something that is trying to kill you slowly, when you’re suffering on your own you are almost forced to witness a death right before your eyes without love knowing you were even there, without family knowing how much it hurts because this kind of pain doesn’t just come with broken bones crunched to dust taken by the empty in this shell of a beautiful body, its so much harder to breathe when you’re not sure if the air you’re breathing is worth living, I was 10 when I first wanted to take my own breath, not long after attempting to see what it would look like to show my mother what it feels like to bleed her words, I imagined flooding this room with all my pain to maybe understand how this body was feeling, to feel better, to stop the pain, I just wanted it all to stop, I didn’t understand why it was coming for me in this kind of cold and loving way, I was 20 when I realized that the words I wrote down were a ransom from this illness, this body is being held hostage, and the heart is barley fighting to stay alive, how to rescue yourself internally when you can’t even save yourself in your living reality, what kind of jaded mood stays for this long, I was 21 when I asked for help, wanted someone to come help me because I didn’t know how to do it first, I was so confused about how this illness attacks this body the way the word enemy comes to the tip of my tongue telling this body words that aren’t true, weakening the heart to confuse abuse for love, you are no hero when this illness comes to surface and claws at every single part of this good body, this bleeding heart, the ache, of numbing the body in a whole is to forget you’re even existing, that you’re alive, this illness likes to drag my body to its absolute and watch it scramble to get back up, and all the heart can do is tighten at the bodies attempt, scared this illness will come for it next, the souls are no where to be found, I am left to save this body alone, just me, who can save this body but me, I am the only one vacant every breath you’re not here when the body has whispered how many times it has given up, and how the heart weeps a flood of pain, you can’t feel this feeling to this intensity don’t sit there and tell me you understand help me, tell me you can help me, that its all going to be okay, that it doesn’t have to be like this, tell me I will get better, that I don’t have to live with this illness bruising this body enough to call them part of this body, I don’t want these wounds, you hear people talk about selflove and how they have not found it, people like me, have not found self love they talk about it like its so close, like its almost in their hands, where, help me find it, I need to find it, Im so scared that one day my body will have enough the heart will be silenced and mute to its own pain and this illness will convince the body to go to sleep forever, a solution, maybe, how do you fix yourself from the inside with an illness bearing teeth at each attempt you can not win this way, help me

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

4.6.17
Black magic (hero.)

Cotton picked finger tips, skin kissed by the sun turning shades of this good earth, slavery is no forgotten sawn metamorphosis of its own history, how far have we come, even in these early future can black skin still feel lashes of words that sip poison down their bigotry with words that have been used by colonizers too vividly dose this black skin witness two souls when they gauge this kind of spoken evil, are we called too sensitive or too loud, can we not both exist and be hero in this skin, are we not allowed to praise what has been forbidden, do we become the punch lines, unapologetic has been, two too many times have I had to teach the learning’s of the word nigga, watch it leave foreign land, foreign voices do we adjust to its trend, which is to say do you mean the way black is still a casualty, when the world wants to wipe you out do you still abide to trend, must you become hero, god like powers must be mother earth, this tsunami of ancestry blood bitter sweet, to the pronunciation of the word nigga glocks out of their fingertips as I watch this mind decolonize friendship, the word nigga has only one heart brake, do not slay its vibe in the same mood as missing out on a new fad, these syllables have been engraved into so many oppressions you have no right to take it and miss use its pronunciation with that mouth concealed in split tongue  you can not have this blood, this good hair and this skin, we have been had, glock ready since we been watching hero from hero tear away at these chains and call it healing, these cotton picked tips, skin kissed by the sun turning shades of this good earth, we are not forgotten, you have not yet witnessed hero enough, watch it, we are roots that can not stop growing from our own pain, you have not learnt about this kind of unstoppable black magic, so watch it well, we’re not done bleeding ink to match our words

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

31.5.17 | 31.5.17
I want all of you (heart beats, unseen+seen..)

“I want all of you, the parts that make it feel like we are in a different world, escape this earth just for a moment, you tell me that communication is not as clear, so I tell you it has always been you, told you that I feel more when I am by your side, when you are not there to witness this heart beat and this body has longed for comfort in your words and hands since the day I met you, you tell me you like me back but I, wonder how strong is the feeling of such a replaceable word, you talk about two different realities as though they exist only through you and they do, you tell me I can come with you if I allow the walls I have built to crumble at our feet-, the most sexiest thing you have ever told me is, I want to get to know both you and your mind, before he could allow self to fully commit, it was at that moment I was sure you were the only person I could give everything without having to fear of letting go so easily, it has always been you, I have always wanted and waited for all of you, look what you’ve done..”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

26.5.17
can you really love anyone? (..him, me, you…)


He tells me he can love anyone, words that escape his mouth I’m not sure how aware he is of the context of love, that it grasps depth, we wave into conversation about something so tangible seeking its approval before we have found souls to match our definition of love, he says he can love anyone so I wonder what kind of love he has known, does he know the phrases it pronounces, that its more than just tangible, more than just a feeling that it demands the whole body-,

he whisks me up, I think love whispers sweet into your ears, gives new meanings to things we have and yet to experience-,

he kisses me and tells me the mood is lost so deep into conversation, I tell him nah this is hot-,

his words are flames that ignite this body, I tell him to keep tempting its flame and I wonder what kind of love his known-,

can you really love anyone, he said every one of us are capable of good, kind, love, warm, and I wonder does he love anyone, does he know what love means, what it feels like, how often does he watch it speak, can he find it in me too, are we really capable of loving anyone, he says he sees genuine good in everyone, can love anyone, and I think isn’t he right, we are all capable of loving so why is it that some of us choose not to love back, in a the most literal sense of more than us-,

soft hands grab and tease my sides-,

this earth, others, why is it that we don’t choose love even when love loves us back-, ambiguous, can you really love anyone?

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

26.5.17
Black flower

I only see him, words that form out of his mouth like beautiful song he is song, melody so mesmerising how can you look away, when these kinds of lyrics escape their mouth its the closest sensation to what I imagine heaven to sound like, to feel like, like ain’t nothing as beautiful as your own words, the way you happy sugar canes into my heart, it reminds me of the word happy when I have misplaced it into your being, of all the beauty in this world you’re the most love, you’re the most happy, you make nothing else matter the way you care free this black joy, you have been beautiful song bloom from endless conversation and laughter enough to make everything else disappear, dear flower, thank you, for teaching me what it looks like to create, grow, love and be happy, more all in one melody.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

24.5.17
Unexplainable love (..healing..)

Unexplainable, how this outcome usually comes over flowing with so much state, no context to fix its now, a mess, a message from the body, unexplainable, how each trigger is a constant breakdown, how long will you last this time, an occurrence of memoirs, memories of bombastic emotion, years back, fast forward to now, all the after math leaving this body aching for more, no clear path way, the solutions are all hidden and I am left to find my way out without guidance, without instructions, how do you tame a natural disaster, wave its way into your being so deep, too deep twisted into this soul, watched and felt it make a wreck out of everything that is slowly learning to give it life, have to build it back up every time, can’t help its unexplained terror, the way it attacks this body is a plea for help, wanting to be noticed so it can be eased, the mind is calling to be settled, the body it hurting, can you feel the way it tenses up at public spaces watch you this body run from eyes even its own, so quick to miss mirrors, a reflection of what can beauty behold, can give to this body, in this state is it enough, are you enough so full on this feeling, having to watch it breakdown at its own solutions, running away from self is much harder than running away from others so we make alliance to keep sane, to feel other emotions other than the ones that have lived in this body for longer than we can even remember, do you remember, we chose not to let go, to understand how this body is trying to heal do you remember, how we promised not to give up, that each breakdown means one step closer to healing which means one step closer to self love, which means you’re healing, do you remember, I want you to close your eyes and remember, you’re worth all the effort, you were always worth all the effort, all this love, you’re worth all of it

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

16.5.17

“how they can only remember how much good with this mouth lay on their skin, fixed to their tune, unwound you, disregard feelings of the mind, so quick to forget, silly, on purpose, don’t understand why this is become a recycled melody, the one you can’t stop playing, trying to understand its tunes will only make it hurt even more, let it go, you don’t need to hum so close to those who don’t want to understand your melody of being animate when it comes to the tuning of this mind, watch closely, can you see their off key isn’t in tune matched to yours, do you see it, look closely, do you see it now..”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

16.5.17

they will always come back, forget too often, silly, can’t understand how much good with this body wrapped with theirs, you’ll make the perfect melody together, they come and never forget to leave this broken song right after they finished admiring and appreciating your melody, this, it happens so often they mask their scent into your skin on purpose, silly, you forget to farewell their animate, don’t let there be a next time