Poetry: Melody of Being Animate 

04.09.16

Understand vs Allow

Its at moments like this that I remember a lot of reasons why

When I feel so much n I can’t find the words

Even though my mind has so much complicated, give this body so much ache

It’s moments like this where I find writing is my voice

I use it to reason with mind n ask it to please stop, explain to it that these tears hurt, that when they blur my vision it’s much more than just vision that is taken away

Explain to it this is the impact it leaves this body feeling, scared, isolated, too much, unable, can’t cope, gives sugar cane to all that gives it life, complicating leaving this world, realize it’s the only solution, the only way out, its not comfortable it’s complicated

It’s giving back the key n saying I just want to live, so I would much rather do nothing n ask it to give it to remedy

Tell remedy that I lost control, that I don’t know what works anymore, that she can give the key back to you after she’s done with its privilege

I just want to lay here, drink up all this salt water n embrace all these feelings, allow it to feel what it wants, I just want to allow it to go through the motions

Allow it to heal even if it means opportunity not understanding it’s whip lash

That I can’t contain this constraint much longer, trailing trips back to painful conversation

I don’t understand these feelings n you won’t either, so is it best to just disappear

You won’t understand the way you carry n the way I carry are two different twins

I’m still learning to cradle

Given all its broken I’m learning that I can pick it up as many times needed, in the process there won’t be much progress, you’ll start to think that I don’t, that I can just, that I can choose, n I’ll tell you I know you do

Although let me ask you this, do you understand the complicate of cognitive, that yes choice is a choice although it also means you have to choose, how do you choose when you don’t understand, when understand sounds like tsunami, the way it rolls out of your mouth so easily, giving it reason, reason being simplified to ignorance when least expected unexpected then choice

Notice how this makes no sense, to you

This is how state of mind has chosen to use this body, to take over, I don’t need you to understand, I need you to allow n if you won’t allow

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate 

02.09.16

It’s okay.

Visualize this, a body strong enough to carry it’s broken, finds it hard when the shackles come n break it’s chains

Understand that when the word self doubt comes to this body it’s after blood

I trade in some of the parts of myself that I choose to adore n give it the rest

Said that my state of mind is broken, said that this body is broken, said that I will give you its bones but please allow me to keep the two souls that reside

Let me reminisce what was good, give good back to this body

When I hear the word broken, me, it’s all just one word, empty syllables that belong to this body

It’s bones wanting to ash themselves into memory, forgotten, don’t forgot me is what they really want to complicate

Give it time

How long is it going to take for normal to this body, everything is as complicated as this mind now

Nothing feels like anything, I’m full on empty, numb, trying to understand what this all means, it’s so hard to understand when you don’t understand the effects it leaves, the wounds that they open, how they create the word destroy, n conjoin so much meaning with just the word you

N isn’t it irony, when can’t unwinds you, when the knots on this noose have been designed to get tighter, make it hard to survive, give you reason to all of self doubts pandora

Laugh, I am too sometimes, tell me that it’s easy, that it can change by simple, that I don’t know how easy it is, that choice is easy, that even when the oppressed were being oppressed by their oppresses that it was easy to choose

When I use the word choice I don’t use it carelessly, I use it in caution

I know how choice can hold the key, but I also know how hard choice is to choose, n how it’ll bind to this body like a plague

It’ll never let me forgot the choices I make, make it difficult once again I vist the word failure, n self doubt comes knocking with all its synonyms, loud enough to burden

I want to see remedy, I want remedy to unwound this complicated, make sense of this complicate n give me back sanity, give me back my body, give me back self love, I don’t care how long this love lasts as long as it keeps coming back to heal this hurt

I just want this to stop, I’m starting to feel like opportunity is going to slip out of the control I’ve gathered quicker than I can quick fix this emotional

Unwound it’s mood, give it acceptance n understand that it doesn’t have to always  suffer on its own, that this body is fighting for healing n it’s okay, what you are feeling is all okay