Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Roll the credits in Purple ink|10.12.19

I’ve been thinking a lot about the come up, how we hustle and grind into a new age, a chance to change to who we are meant to be, I’ve been clocking in and out of my body sometimes the arguments and defeats get in the middle of us so loud in here sometimes we can feel it break our heart, there is so much at stake when it comes to moving into a way about yourself, we have never forgotten who we are, never believed we were any less worthy of our dreams on some days this is also the untruth, we are so capable of vulnerability we open scars we never knew hide so deep into us we have always been searching for her soul too, 2018 the day we decided to chase after our dream here the most when this path weren’t so tricked, when they didn’t set us back but learnt our character, our role play enough to set us back, made us watch the aftermath with our hearts this honest, how this began to trigger more and more of her fired intuition into the mind, we started thinking clearly about a path that we had intention into so much fight you kept learning to break differently this made you move riotously, you were all in accordance to a life purpose, each day you were reminded about how this fight is never ending that when you find yourself doing what you love you’re growing in a way that can not be stopped by anyone not even yourself, self is addicted to her higher purpose so hard she been holding back too long, baby’s mental is on some past 27 shit, know she be writing these melodies until she is given back to the earth, you can never stop dreamers in cold worlds from keeping alive here too-. Keep watching this space but be careful of her magic she is never afraid to show you all she has spellbound.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Collins St (Location: Dreamy book shop.) | 4.12.19

I’m never scared of it at all, I’m not the kind of person who cowers into moonless rope rooms, the ways we speak our love language into existence has always been carried by our way of purple hearts, never to be timid into the aftermath words and its drift importance we all have our part to play, they are not who I am nor who I could also be, they exist for my own disposal and for you to me, my lovable point of respectable kink is to speak to love as is to close my eyes and vanish into the real world, I am the playful character with purple skin she is loving living her life here too, she loves effortlessly without telling love until she hears a familiar feeling her purple heart is both fire and water she knows this too well, every word has a sweet tenderness, a taste of the way it curves and learns to overflow in the mouths, so many planted seeds we open our eyes and walk right into our dreamscape here too, the irony is both intended and wishful, we are always this whimsical after spending loving time with love, we imagine our chosen solitude the real purple print, the combination of beautified awareness does not have to be something we are afraid to affirm because baby scares the unknown too, the mind, body, spirit, truth and unity all within one soul this is what bliss could also look like, I have said this more than I can ever care to admit, words are fooled with double meanings never not what you think it could also be, there is always a ways about it all, do not be a fool for and with human made’s-. At times I wonder at how I view love, I look at it in me and wonder about its intensity, I look at its devotion into others and wonder about its passion, then I wonder about its future, what does love really want from us, and I can’t stop hearing my mind, my heart tending to my mind thoughts, the twins present here too and I watch them say “enough.” We are all at a lose when we come to truly know about the harshness of how we look at who we are trying to connect ourselves to words sometimes more to who we are becoming, its so stupid simple to let the alphabet eat you alive, fill us up without knowing in us first, you know what I mean?

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

24.11.19 | Flamed Air.

Flame, I can feel it when you tell me that these two worlds are nothing alike, that I can still fall this far in and not catch myself here, too many times have I begged at freedoms air, I can see it how we are worlds apart and only here can we find ourselves more into us first, when you make words look so easy misplacing its reality into this world here first you’re loosing my sparked soul more each wasted breathe more inside of my world here first, this fire sweet type of intimacy is hard to lie into, those who understand the attention that fire brings burning in the rain know how it holds space, know a soul this unconditional you would never want to loose her telepathy, in her eyes, when will we learn more into mistakes, our pleasures deepest desires, minds of capable awakenings only to be silenced by themselves first have they forgotten their dream here too, have you forgotten how to be with yourself too, many sky’s ago I felt your warmth here, this is the first time I am truly giving my breath the permission it needs to what is means for me to let you go energetically, we are two souls bound to each other allowing and living different life paths, destined to smoke us alive depending on how we love unconditionally, we’re majoring about what it honestly takes for and from our soul within, deep down your inner child is blocked within walls, is still forced to look into their mirror and face their feared psyche of being loved or lover, how this is also finding its way to ground us both sometimes, I am a sparked flame to her own here the most, you were stolen air tightening around my neck, she is learning to ash what is left resting in her about you as she give my being to her highest self, I never want to stand still this way longer than I have out grown a type of love, you can not learn to waste your worth even when you feel it’s divine-. If you meet a soul that does not know how to choose themselves first, well, you’re walking into calculated direction, you’re only able to love the way you’re still unconditionally yours first, we know this too often, it is only until we read this out loud we are able to hear ourselves clearly, over, and over again until we are able to hear it clearly over and over again. -A Mantra.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

27.10.19|Na Wewe.

I am always longing for myself this way too, so much untouched fears and again I am reminded of the dark side of the waters full moon, I haven’t been listening to my soul it wasn’t until into this night fall after the rain I felt her here again, she is back with her softness, showing me her fire we sit side by side listening to each other this is how you’re touching fire too, we are all our fears worst enemy, our ego likes to play the devil upside down, has told us we are not a worthy soul, watched my body curl up into its self, I remind her that this is also who we are mirroring from too, that nothing looks this tempting unless we are being tested a 5D awakening is knowing you’re not confined to this realm first, the second is the channeling challenge of our awareness, our subconscious awakening that likes to come and play mind games you’re to ask what you see with your mind first before you look into it with your eyes here, you’re a whole self into more than the way we are ego’d to think, our soul has been fighting for our awakening here most, it is only until I talk to her this way present I come to know a life purpose, I have been told that my sun self is fire, my truth has never been this fulfilling, again I am reminded into more of myself here, when I shut my eyes I can see our love, I can feel her so intensely in me we are to meet in a dream space into the silver coloured sky, my soul is my healer, she is my higher self, when I am chased by temptations in this reality she creates waves of communication to us we are told to listen to each download, I have wished for this day longer than I can ever come to assimilate, my time spent here is not my forever, I am more than a memory, when I open my eyes to look around me I am a constant knowing of how I choose to live my own truth here, I am a gentle reminder of unconditional love deep inside of this body, tainted and built up again and again, you can not fool a soul that learns to vine higher after each death, after each tower moment, she is here to find her soul and love her unconditionally.

Entry #16: A follow up from entry #14 and my why. (back to basics bruh)

Hey dreamers, so I’ve had some time to think since the realization I had in regards to what had actually happened on the day of Russ’s concert in Melbourne. I want to first point out that since the issue I have been more and more internally affected more than I thought I would have been, cause its been weeks now. I want to break it down in a few ways. The first would be what is the root of my disappointment, and why. The second, how is this affecting my mental health and lastly how can I overcome this for my soul because ya’ll know I am fine about it however my body, my soul is not so I am now left thinking how to heal from this for her too.

So the first question, what is the root of my disappointment. Well, its a few things that I honestly thought I was so done mentioning because even I was getting tired of talking about it and questioning myself about it in the form of “I don’t understand why she would lie?” and “Anyone that knows me knows that the one thing I can not stand for is being lied to. So knowing this why did my close friend of 10 years plus lie to my face?”. The reason why I am so disappointed is because I am someone that strives to always tell the truth, I don’t feel like I need to lie about anything to anyone, this is just who I am. I practice so much self care, love, growth, respect, worth, awareness and more for the purpose of being my highest best self and when those who I have allowed into my space as well as my world, I am counting on you to treat me the way I treat you. This is a mantra I truly hold high. Not only in my self, however my close friends as well. So to me, this is something that has been earned in form of trust, connection, skin ship, energy, and compassion and more. I would like to also lastly mention that as a close friend of mine, if you do not feel the need to say anything to me when I have made it clear to you that you have done something to me that clearly over steps my boundaries and in turn you still then clearly go on to act as though nothing has happened the day after is unacceptable. What you’re really communicating to me is, “I don’t care about our connection/friendship enough.” Period.

When it comes to how this situation is affecting my mental health, mostly my clinical depression and anxiety I must say I am really shook. I did not know this is how my body would react at all. However, after dwelling on it and talking it out loud to not only myself but some close friends and family I can see it all clearly now. If I am being really honest it goes back to my childhood, who I am healing from, and my becoming adult self growth and more now. Because I have grown to have such high standards for myself it is also rubbing off on to my interpersonal relationships too, and to be honest I personally think it is a good thing. However, this is not to be misunderstood. I am aware this is not always the case for everyone, and I understand the meaning of pace when it comes to self. So I am very mindful that I do not ever rush anyone to ever do anything they are not ready to do ever. In mentioning this coming back to how this is affecting my mental health, I am needing to heal much deeper than what I may have thought. I will need to really put in more self care, and directly confront my body and soul about how they are wanting to heal. I have also made a decision to take a break off of social media where I am generally able to see their presence in my daily interactions, of cause in the means of where I have the control to do this.

In twine with my second last paragraph, how can I help my soul heal? The best way I know is self care and spending time alone with my body. Since now I have spoken about it to family and those close whom I would ask for advice I now need to self care much more internally. I also have been thinking the most obvious straight forward way to really finish this externally would be to calmly confront my friend, however gentle reminder that is not the root of my issue. I am someone who is pledged with the door slam (Infj tings). Meaning when I have been wronged in any way this is how I protect my home. I cut off the connection without any warning. It has proven to help me in the past and I can honestly say I become better for it, which is why I still access its clarity. So I can begin to truly heal.

In conclusion, not saying this is the right way but I believe this is a way for me, now.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

14.8.19 | Dove.

How do I love now, I write you into the places I have found you into my soul, a part of our whole, a beating heart that feels a lot like a home, its a lot like the way it feels watching the rain, its something like finding a whole that speaks my love language and we match intensities, that part might just be the water Venus in me, its nothing like these flowers, I need a worthy flame to match, its being able to surrender to the air around me and liking it, the way it feels with you is the same as when I get to spend the day with my soul surrounding myself with my favorite words, its the feeling of the days where I am silly happy for no tangible reason, moments where I understand the feeling of touch, and stop making love out to be so matter of fact, truth is love isn’t always as logical as we may love it to be, when emotions are involved no matter how much we fight its feeling it will still rise the only way it knows how best, honestly, my love is how it feels to kiss you without any fear, how it feels when you take my hands into yours, its looking into each others souls, loving is knowing my worth is matched in energy and high vibration, they say the way law of attraction works is easy, yet I’m not sure its so easy to know what you want and know what you’re willing to love about souls no matter how much you realize you fill each other, maybe this is also part of being enough into love, I guess I understand that a love connection is something like creating a whole with each others honest selves, like a whole new world, like hearing words like we belong together spoken out loud and remembering that love could be centered at courage.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

13.8.19 | Lit up identity.

Imagine a soft voice of rain, imagine a warm space with two chairs sitting across from each other, I have this theory, that if I can’t sleep when its dark it means I am waiting to dream some more, there’s intentional placements about the night that gives me the most comfort, I can’t really quite explain it all for myself yet, I find the silence asks me about my most intimate desires without any judgment, I have come to crave the way it creates our intimacy, teaches me to ache for my own soul this way first, its an anticipated gentle conversation with my body care free of interruptions, I multiply myself the most here too, and rain candidly here in love too, these nights are my dreaming fables true alter ego-, But I do not judge her process, I make room for her passing, create necessary space for another type of love another type of me-, Night dreaming is a soul mate kind of home, it doesn’t always feel like anything yet just being seems to be enough, this is reminded into us both, sometimes gratitude, some affirmations, strings that held us back watching them melt away from our tree house warmth, life seems much easier in the dark for me, much lighter up here too, the familiar Melody of Being Animate breathes much intense in here, its as though I can know the true lust of words from this silver sky, this is the wake in my care that I can burn the most present, its a cold flame displaced near others without my really knowing, an air like there shouldn’t always be answers for everything yet, I am told my body adores my soul so my path is in everything that aligns with its patience, I’ve been seen to become watchful of my own, a mindful fixer upperer mad of loyal devotion, extensions of you don’t always have to make sense of things that bewilder your identity here yet, sometimes its enough to just let yourself get carried away by the rain, its not fair on your soul to deny yourself the will it desires the most even when it doesn’t match what you need, -More than often having what you didn’t want, is having what you didn’t know you needed, what our body needs is what we want-, This is my warm Smokey candle lit essence warped dreamer in the night-, Her only penetrated fear is herself.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

To date. 5.8.19

I confess, I don’t want to admit this too loud, so won’t you come closer, I want to madly share with you what I have found to love as hard as you wish you wouldn’t, I’ve been holding this in so much I am not sure why my heart had began reaching for yours this restlessly now, it feels like for so long we may have thought we would not make it here, and now we may be two souls that have found each other yet again, so my heart is breaking asking me it has to be more than fate, believe that when you have felt like you can’t remain without this feeling too you start to believe in dotting motions like love again, you start to understand that whole bodies are more than a specific guise of a person, I read somewhere that destined to meet mirror each others reflections and I think this might have some sight to it, I never really stopped believing in love I thought love stopped believing in me, funny how love likes to find us late in the morning, likes to wake before the light of a new day, how this feels like long before the beginning of time, strangely uncanny how some of us are as dreamy as passing clouds as hopeful hearts, how we have been found to believe everything happens for a reason, thought you left these floating feelings when you stopped looking up at wishing stars, I find myself writing you into my existence even when I don’t mean to, even when I don’t cast to love you this hard how does a heart loose a love this blue planet of ours, -I gave affirmations the way I breathed into this 3D reality, how canny is spring in late November meeting such an air about her fire-, she knows about what it means to be scared while in love with wounded hearts on paths damned with self, she is living proof, knows we don’t need anybody sometimes we are still scared of being lost or running away, for her much like her anchored planet, for him much like a brave placement into compassion about matters of the heart, a type of softness that doesn’t believe in love anymore maybe they have this in common, her a future and him a past, how cycles learn to repeat its intended sucker, this is all her luck, she can feel all this impatience into her and his hand soft on her heart, he will never know this secret season is so typical, seasonal love ended with him some time near her high feminine vibration she claimed to feel his heart some time ago, a home that is not here, a patient masc with high vibration, his air is a speechless sent and shes back to where she had almost began-, The thing with energy care when it comes to love is that they are the almost explained without mantras, without being motivated by knowledge, reflection and intuition-, A love without being intuitively self aware is a love manifested to be karmic, and maybe this too is still, maybe I am madly wrong and I just can’t seem to let go as much as I think to will it.

Entry #15: I want to tell you exactly what happened to me today, while trying to leave the house + you should know this was not the first also psa I usually cry about it alone..

22 july 2019 at around 2pm – 230pm – Spring in late November.

I had built up frustration for months and feeling unsettled within myself, so I set out on this day, a Monday to self care by going to Dymocks at collins st book store to have coffee browse around, read and walk back and forth wanting to buy more books.

My morning started out pretty alight. I was still stuck with that type of uncertainty and off mood/ irritation but honestly I had been waiting for this Monday for a few days now and I was determined to leave the house and head into the city. So I meditated with the headspace app for 10 minutes before I did anything else, gathered my energy to getting ready for my self care day as planned. It took me longer than what I had decided on, I kept doing small things like changing what I was wearing, feeling conscious about how my body fit into my clothes, and wanting to take advantage of the winter sun I put on my make up looked at my eye shadow criticised it so I took it off and applied my foundation over it unhappy but still hopeful, and I packed up my bag pack ready to walk out the front door.

As I closed the door behind me, my headphones in walking to the station I started getting into this mood/ energy that was so strong it started to take over my body. I kept walking and thinking I just need to get onto the VLine and I’ll be fine, I just need to get keep walking I’ll be fine,once I reach I’ll be glad I did this for myself. I needed to believe this so hard. Because I had been staying in my own environment and started to feel stagnant and too comfortable with despair. I walked about nearly half way stopped in my path, looked down I wanted to turn back so hard, its as though my body was begging me with all its got to please turn around and go back and try again with another day locked into my mind. I felt so compelled, I went into the side turn not far from home, stood there and calmly walked back home. I opened the door and I remember thinking I miss seeing my dad, I missed his voice and his big hugs, his laugh and being next to him. So I walked into his space and sat on his chair positioned right outside a window facing our corner backyard. I heard my mum make her way into the space and ask me what was wrong unable to answer her I eventually started crying quietly with my headphones in and her hands wrapped around me. In that moment I knew why I was so upset, I heard words say “I can’t even leave the house” “what’s wrong with me?” my mum asked me again what’s wrong? this time with her eyes red and I just sat there and cried hearing “now you’re worrying her for no reason” I cried some more settled down and walked upstairs sitting on the floor with the sunlight beaming inwards. Mum asked me again something must be bothering you, is it a feeling talk to me I’m here for you is it a feeling she asks again. I look at her my eyes ready to cry again and I say “I don’t know, I don’t know. Im fine, I don’t know what’s wrong.” and I tell her it’s okay I’ll be fine for the fifth time, thinking and knowing I just need time to be alone for a while. And then I got hungry, so I went to an all you can eat with Nadren.


Poetry: Melody of being Animate

17.7.19 – Making decisions for the life of you.

I’m thinking its left for interpretation, I’m thinking be assertive this way in other parts of your gratitude, I’m thinking we are human so no one is safe from broken connections, gusto waves that do not serve our highest beings are simply interchangeable, I’m thinking we all have a default, we all come made unknown, how some of us are curious about what closeness is and some of us couldn’t care less, how our values could be so different we are not human enough or merely human though we see the world in colours, taste in numbers, how some of us couldn’t care less about honesty and others care more about their own hearts, how there’s a way about it all, and there is, we are all the courage to be disliked and some are consistent on using words that change their lives, this way is how I also feel the world, the choice is both a conflict and simple state of mind, nothing makes sense or it makes too much sense and the fear to cower is shown into us, of how unknowing has never been so apparent into our homes this harshly first, suddenly the thing about self is that we are all living proof, some of us haven’t awakened our beats and the rest, well, they are dormant, some sleeping along side them touching heads and who are we,- I’m thinking about being locked up in libraries I could read here forever, this small daydream of mine, I am not afraid to brake or disappear one day, I have to accept this will happen with or without my energy well protected, I don’t ever want to stand still stagnant in how my life is lived, I want to remember my life as the protagonist that lived her own nightmares, the girl who battled her mind and chose life instead of existence, I want to be the person I know I am capable of resurrecting she is dragon bodied belly full blue flames and purple magic re-birthed alike, a brave act each time she faces her self she it met with forms of darkness, her life is the constant commitment of unlocking her own downfalls her courage is the fussy ability of turning them into weapons of intuition, she likes the intensity of the pain that comes with this type of healing, most will not see the importance of this healer, she does not shame her scars, it is the will of her that scars her skin this way the most, this is how she keeps the spark in her life, every word, narrative can be flipped she knows this too well,- So that when I die, I can say I have lived a dangerously envious life.