These types of entries are on a more personal level, relevant to myself, going through my own mental health journey and what I think it means being present when I’m not feeling okay, as well as what some of my symptoms may look like.
So today is officially the third day maybe that my mental health is really starting to surface. I’ve just recently started a new job and I’m so happy with it but my mental health has really started to weigh me down in terms of performance, ability, and probably the most dramatic thing that happens when I start to feel my anxiety peak is that I want to call in with the most heinous no loophole reason as to why I can’t come into work today.
I’ve been in my head for a while now though, and today is really the only day where I can’t take it anymore because I can slowly start to feel my body get used to the feeling and fall back into that kind of mental trap. I changed my environment, but to be honest I’m still not feeling okay, starting to get pretty worried that I may not cope. Also, I’m seeing my psychologist on the 31st because that was the closest available date.
My symptoms that stand out to me the most are I don’t want to see anyone just want my own company to try and figure out solutions, being stuck in my head while losing track of time spans, feeling sick usually my stomach or my head, when it gets really bad I just want to sleep, lose my appetite or I eat a lot, I get random panic attacks and my body shakes or twitches.
Being present is a hard one, I feel like I’m still not able to do this; Because personally for myself, when I start to feel my mental health suffering or my body feeling or acting out of my norm I want to do what I can to help myself and for the longest time it’s just been to change my environment and write whatever comes to mind.
As of right now, I’m still very much stuck in my head, I’ve changed my environment, and I’m writing an entry of what is coming to my mind and snacking. I haven’t been eating too well since I started feeling really off.
I’m having a pretty rough day to be honest, I feel really frustrated, distant and numb.
On the bright side I’m wearing bright clothes to compensate, and eating my favorite snacks also I’ll probably get food while I’m here too.