Ocean24 | 21.02.2024
My mind is racing and I am hearing what it looks like for eyes to begin to flood his office, I see the way he looks at my pacing hands I wonder if he can see my thoughts, I shake it off and answer his question, then he asks me about my life, asking how I like it breathing here, I tell him alive, I look into his eyes and ask him about my life he shrugs and asks my mind to stop calling for its name, to ask for help in ways he does not want to hear me speak, he wraps my mouth with what has been told to him even though he knows nothing about my mind he tells me to stop complaining, said am I always this impulsive about my environment I tell him yes, asked do you always just get up and leave I say yes, he asked me if I was anxious, as though he could see me avoiding his eyes because they lied to me as soon as I stepped foot into the room not meant for me, he called me dramatic and asked for my evidence, I froze and told him that when I was 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 I needed help in school, explained to him I was always lost, I couldn’t figure out who was lying anymore and I could feel my body want to run, could never find my way to the same answers as my class mates so I learned to stay silent, when I was 15 I was told to put that book down, I was questioned about my understanding standing up head down I could create oceans about how the education system has failed to teach me, I was left behind or laughed at I felt helpless for myself, my home was a wreck I quickly learned to keep her safe and this is when I first met my masked self, I took a deep breath and said nothing, I watched him talk about me as though I didn’t just spill myself into his hands as he wrote his notes into the computer I remember thinking this is why I don’t talk to you people about it, I left that empathy and cried about doing something good for my home only to cry about how my health was mishandled, checking my body to see if she is okay she was not so we cried together until it stopped, then we promised our home to not give up our mind. She deserves her peace, too, even after all this time.
Melody of Being Animate 