Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

18.10.16 | 19.10.16 | 20.10.16
Selfless selflove of what ill’s you 

This will be, the unmentionable times I’ve drafted what it feels like to be the one feeling like impossible has a fleeting chance

Today become one of the days that felt like you can’t handle anything that will disrupt even though you know it doesn’t matter about surroundings, because when this feeling comes to visit this body, its more than just unwanted guest at a private party

Its almost indescribable

You’ll go through vitamins, teas, random shapes, objects, consumptions of disappointment, down this all with complicate in shaking hands n a whole lot of hopeful, you’ll stay this quite frantic as you debate n debate n debate then come music

A playlist categorized specifically for this mood

You’ll listen to the songs carefully chosen out to help this urge this feeling this mood I don’t know I don’t care to unwind outside self, realise once you reach here you’ve gathered your tools, shown your body how to use them although without solution, method, it usually goes something like this

Sleepless nights of record breaking n what is normal

You’ll tire by 4am, come 5am if you’re feeling it all too hard n this body doesn’t know any better, you’ll wake with the sun burning insomnia into your morning, stay in bed with the sheets maneuvering on n off your skin like uncomfortable n unwanted senses

You’ll try not to think

Try not to think about what this is, because thinking makes it more real

It’ll origami identify

You’ll start to brainwash, repeating, you, have this thing that is so imperfect that you have no control over, don’t know when it’ll come n disrupt like its got unfinished left to do n its the only one who knew about its company, you’ll tell yourself to stop being dramatic, tell state of mind to quieten down while you try to think, you’ll put on that playlist once again n close your eyes as you think about it transforming you into a new mood, a new anything, countless songs in n nothing

Its not even enough to be a distraction

The last song plays fading into the silence that fills outside of this body, n you’ll find that this body has started putting actions into words, got you feeling too much unnecessary whip lash, you’ll salt water saturate like you never had control, crawl under the sheets n claw at the parts of you that taint, not pretty enough to be seen, until it stops clawing at the unknowns, at this point hopeless also comes knocking down the door to what feels like lonely

When you don’t understand why solutions are hard to come by when you do the most n the outcome is not showing signs of heal in that moment

I’ve been told this journey of self discovery doesn’t end

That this feeling is always healing

That the answers are hard to find n its hard to control control, n this isn’t lingering anymore, its about survival of what ills you

I’ve decided Im not going to hide it anymore, its so hard to accept this is a part of you, it’s hard to come to terms that this can heal

That even if the answers aren’t clear, its still a part of the process

If theres anything this body has taught me this far into selfless love, is that even in the state of what ill’s you there’s nothing that comes close to hero when you fight for acceptance of self-love

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

11.10.16 | 16.10.16 

It usually stems from the way these notions start to stray away from this control

Spilling consistency n thinking about the sounds that echo too loud to make out its syllables

It’s that moment mindless forgets it belongs to a body, the way this narrative has a way of writing its own story

These stories I tell are not from me

They reside with this body, the two souls that roam free, the infinite interactions that debate the coexistence of both its complexities n the overwhelming urge to over share

This outlet has taken many turns tuning misfortune into opportunity, turning arguments into concluded satisfaction for now

N today, without fail have realized I’ve spent more then half my day without speaking

The only narrative that was fluid were the conversations had with the narrating characters of my existence

My body had a problem today

The mind was doing its best to come up with solutions being side tracked by random social encounters, the two souls doing what they can to add to the destruction so the mind isn’t left feeling the strain of failure, n what’s left are the people who were encountered, attentive to every character in this body knowing exactly how I look on the oitsude except for myself

You’ll realize that it’s already 6 something n you haven’t eaten, so you’ll buy whatever n digest parts of the problem as the audience in your body seek solutions until this feeling leaves you n this body alone

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

11.10.16
Queen.

​I solemnly swear the next time a man approaches me n chooses to sharpen his ego along with his engaged fience; I’m gon be the sharpened knife before I whoop his ass back into authentic morels of what it really excites to be a man worthy of a Queen

Come closer

I want to exhaust what it means to have a Queen so dangerous you’ll wish she was yours to dominant on all fours

The way I love is the burning sensation cross fire between adrenaline n curiosity

They clench their pride between their thighs, the way I kiss is the way the sun leaves it’s mark on melanin, it’ll have you glistening with more than just your pride

The way I touch is the way the heat summer wave teases to leave as it hibernate’s for winter

Temptess

I’ll write you into so much love you’ll question why you haven’t found Queen so intoxicatingly addictive, I’ll have you so hooked on motivation to stay this infatuated

Didn’t your daddy ever worn you what intellectual inticement can do when a man meets his match

Queens are only worthy of Kings, don’t get it twisted

She falls enough to let you think enough

Decides whether his a worthy opponent n plays the game he doesn’t even know I’ve already won

She’ll teach him what smart words n kind hands really seduces

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

02.10.16
Insomnia

 

Everynight I count how many sheep I’ve let cross my mind as Im kept wake by unstable train of thought that doesn’t have the discipline to quite down even when its 3 in the morning

Doesn’t want to let this body rest, keeping wake is what my mind does best, contradicting all the actions it persists

Giving its permission then taking away its approval just so it can debate whether or not that was the right thing to do

The emotional way to react

The logical way to think

The way my mind works is that it has this uncanny way of questioning its own conclusions, in everything

It weakens the energy it produces by counting how many sheep have crossed its path even by 4 in the morning

It won’t rest until its given correct diagnosis of all that is the reason behind why

Its like a child

Has this sense of curiosity about all that gravitates, motion, ability, magic, it doesn’t want to let this body rest until its satisfied

Yesterday for the first time in weeks insomnia has taking me into its arms, lit candles n asked me questions that it knew I didn’t have the answers to

Made my mind think, n think, n think about the answer until all cognitive functions start to give answers such as, stray, lost n found, identity, arousal of sapiosexual, n a lot of unnecessary come 4:30 in the morning

Insomnia is starting to run out of questions to keep this mind wake

Looses focus on what questions to ask

Can’t think anymore,the mind is being deprived so its time to let insomnia go this time, I close my eyes

My mind is still thinking

Slow this heart rate

Too much energy has been lost now, its time to rest this body, n be ready for tomorrow night

When insomnia comes n befriends this mind once again

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

24.09.16 | 02.10.16
Engraved Systematic of the Oppressed

 

Can I ask you something

Have you ever thought about engraved so deep into the system that it leaves no room for silence

That when the oppressed give you soft spoken, fact, blood, ancestral bearings, say that they will not stand for in justice so strong, that it can try n brake through this noose

Fact, our people did not die n fight for this kind of privilege

We gave you ourselves, told you our stories, commissioned ourselves so we can fit this box you have told us could be ours, said that this space, this world is ours to educate

Why do we have to teach you what it means to breathe

That this pigmentation is not something to be shot for, that we will never succumb to trend, fads, of stereotypical lineage bestowed upon our very existence, can’t you see that we don’t fit into the boxes you have made for us

The moment these oppressions wave their privilege in our faces n straight up have the audacity to be morally inhuman, to refuse to apologise for the wrong they have done, for the mistakes that are never quite mistaken for, n for what justice

Said that when a police can resolve to force upon a humble protester that has been raising awareness in a community for not only people of colour, but for people who care about the way people of colour are being portrayed all around the world, agreeing that they will not stand for a country that chooses to abuse its power

The moment they make that selfish decision to not be human enough, n feel threatened by someone who is not only unarmed but hold a presence of peace, love, awareness, for a cause he strongly believes in n gets abused dragged behind locked doors this, this is when we know as a race we have failed to understand the meaning of what it really means to co exist

That when we celebrate the decision to abuse systems in place to protect our country, to protect our people, this is when it means stand up straight, the law needs to apprehend co existence until they too can feel it’s lashes

Its moments when police refuse to wash the blood off their hands, the narritive of actions, for the wrong they commit in order to bestow their own pride

How many times can you be taught how to breathe, but still find a way to ignore something that is such a beneficial need

You can’t give n take away at the same time, nothing works in that disfunctionality

Why is it so hard to understand that pigmentation, colourism, racism exist so strong in this reality

Don’t feed me reverse racism n tell me that you don’t see colour

Don’t show me what it means to be oppressed, I’m living in this world knowing the colour of my skin could may as well mean the end, be part of the solution

I’m so close to busting out into a straight up mainstream to get this message across to the willing

To the next generation, to this race

Be the ones’s willing

To win it

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

19.09.16 | 21.09.16
Pause, play

 

Today I saw remedy n gave her my sugar cane, she told me that anxiety has this way of making you feel too much 

Give affirmation to this body, give recognition to all that you have given

Tell this body that we’ll get no where if we don’t do this together, make it understand that it’s not possible for the two souls in this body to work along side state of mind with out its help

That it too is just as important as the heart, the mind

The way this body moves is important

I told remedy how it hurts, that suffering alone is indescribable

That the insides of its complexity becomes too much to explain, it finds a way to overflow with incurable

I gave her its secrets n asked her to do what she can for its motion, watched as I sat back, sinking into the couch, breathed in what intoxicated this body n said to her

Staying in this mood makes me feel comfortable

That allowing into emotional is the only solution I have had to offer when it doesn’t know what to do with its complicated

I clenched my palms softly together looked at this body n begged her for remedy

Watching this body fall n fall time again is tiring, catching the taste of salt water tears, I attempt to gather my senses, reminisce on nothing, think about how to unwind, what complicated means, let its syllables ring as many times needed, n breathe

In this silence she gave me metaphor

Said that running on a broken leg is not a solution, its part of the problem

That healing will always take as much time as it wants

That she’s not saying this was meant to be simple

That you’re strong

Pause

Rewind back to words that make no sense

Strong she said

Backtrack

See what you’ve done she said, see how far you’ve come

Take this time to look at where state of mind n body were, comprehend its progress, recognise n give it your affirmation

Understand that it doesn’t want anybody’s but your own

Tell the souls in this body that it is okay that there are two of you, tell them that it is okay to think the way you do

Repeat this until this gives them normal

Abnormal, play