Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

27.08.16

This mood.

There’s something changing in me, it’s questioning everything as it tares down my mental health, my barriers, it really hurts, it’s as if my mind doesn’t know what to do with this mood n keeps this narrative mute, conversations with this body are now even more painful, but more of a realisation of now, but it hurts, I don’t know why exactly, it’s challenging me, this body, my state of mind is getting confused, it’s being told all this positive, n out of comfort zone that it’s complicating, thinking, hurting, unable to give my body the correct motion, understanding this is normal, wait, not normal, wait, what is normal, it’s starting to sound like nothing is making sense, all that rings are headaches, n words that I can’t hear, echos that make no sense, I feel confused, I refuse to be mute, what’s going on, why I’m I still just talking to state of mind, no narrative just mindless narrative, pause, play, pause again, it hurts, I’m mute again, pause, why is this happening, is this part of healing, it hurts though, it really hurts, my body is feeling so much unseen damage, ache is starting to feel unbearable, what’s going on, how is this happening without consent, it hurts, I want it to stop, help, can someone make it stop, I’ve gone mute again, how do I…can I please…I just want to…

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Notes 

Date: unknown 

How to love 

Gather your players, lay them out for your eyes to witness how love kisses state of mind, acknowledge that it will take some time, understand that change is hard, but remember we are still learning, n knowledge is also part of remedy, give recognition to attempt, good, persist, n never give in to the worst connotations conjured up by what negative has to visualizes, don’t underestimate what this body can really achieve, that greatness is nothing but your perserviarence, that impossible will never be found in this narrative, so when they don’t understand your ability n your mental health give them reason, say your greatness is like a hurricane it comes when least expected n that your consistency is something to be recond with, because remember if they don’t know how good you are, you will always be your best successer, because persistence is something that you have n that’s what keeps your mental health n them guessing 

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

​23.08.16 | 25.08.16 | 26.08.16 | 27.08.16
Senses

Close your eyes, feel the way your breathing becomes hot underneath his body, feel his fingers carefully pace along your back, slowly gripping your sides bracing your body at every touch, the way his breath feels panting in your ear as you hold him close, your hands placed at the back of his head slowly gripping his hair, imagine the feeling when passion meets connection n ecstacy so all that’s left is reckless senses, feel the sensation leave your body, carelessly moaning at all this feeling instigates, like you want this to last forever, refusing to open your eyes, he takes his hands n moves them to your lower back wrapping his arms around your waist pulling your bodies so close, so they leave no gap for insecurities to disturb, he’ll start trailing kisses on your neck n whisper sugar cane, you’ll sit up on his lap as he lays back mesmerised by the way you awake his fire, make him say ain’t no fuse hotter than you, tell you that you make him want, bitten lips, soft skin, warm body, enough to keep this body warm sometimes, n isn’t that what addicted sounds like, I was talking to remerdy n she speeched momentary happiness, said that dependent on temporary happiness is never the key, that even if it blurs the lines for state of mind to understand n eases it’s not enough, pause, can you remember what lasting happiness feels like, that it brings all senses to ignite more than fuse, it’ll give you internal, more sugar cane, more content, fact, this is not temporary, it’s an internal quick fix, fact, even though quick fix doesn’t hold the key, it’s enough to keep this body addicted to feeling good, n this happy can borrow the key until it finds what eternal happiness really consists n constraint it’s whip lash so this body can still stay satisfied until it hangers for a different happy, fact, right now quick fix is me taking back control, n that’s what happiness resides n manifests, because haven’t you heard, taking control can happiness more than just this body, this mind, it gives the key to winnings syllables n never gives it back, fact, you can win

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

21.08.16

Healing Perfection 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the word opportunity n the word dream conjoined to its syllables

After remedy gave me mindful meditation I started to ponder on relevance of existence, dreams, n believe

Understand these manifestations in two different outlooks, one, awareness n the other dysfunctional, said it’s always a choice 

It comes down to choice because even with mental health taking the right healing methods can give this body n state of mind choice, n isn’t that something to recognise, that healing is being able to reward the small wins, that setting small goals n overcoming them is something we should always be proud of, that our own recognition before any soul reside n give their affirmation before your own

Said that rewarding yourself is being content with all that gives this body life

Understand that healing is a process n just because you can’t see the core doesn’t mean it’s any more real than physically seeing the problem n proactively question the solution

Healing is an internal process for you n that’s fact, so don’t rush healing 

You’ll only have the hurt left if you try to rush perfection 

Poetry:Melody of Being Animate

18.08.16
20.08.16

Sane
Problem, the way this soul chooses to react to this body

Core, the systematic cyle that ache n abuse to call it healing

Solution, fact remedy is solution, fact, I am solution, fact, solution is me giving myself permission, allowing, understand that healing is not easy

Everything feels like a blade constantly gnawing at this being, breaking it from the inside

Is it not enough to not want to exist, is it not bad enough that existing is starting to feel like careless

Can we unwound this knot, can we pretend

How long can we pretend until better starts to give emotional healing release, resisting comfort, taking steps to unwind, heal, so that this body can be without having to complicate, over analyse what it means to breathe, what it felt like to breathe

How this body keeps alive, survival of the forgotten

When you think this analytically it’s almost ignorant to ignore

When you ignore obvious it’ll show you its teeth, remember your teeth, that this body is constantly fighting this body, n that’s okay

That’s healing, that’s you taking back control

Understand, you don’t have to go to comfort n watch it lead back to the first time, instead you’ll do what you do best n choose a different solution until you find the one that resonates healing, n that’s perfectly sane

There’s no limit when it comes to the “Melody of Being Animate”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

17.08.16

Breathtaking 

Can you tell me how to get through this, because I don’t know how to allow when the days that feel like a death inside this body

That the bones that hold it up are quickly disappearing into ashes quicker than I can breathe

It’s so difficult to undo this cycle, its not easy to forget, to just think about it later, it’s not as easy to take control

I don’t want to loose opportunity because of something I’m attempting to fix within

When healing becomes a ritual you start to loose focus on the bigger picture even though it’s all you want to do

I don’t want to rely on anyone but myself when it comes to this, I just want to be strong enough, brave enough, to take back control, I want this so bad that you aren’t enough to recognise this kind of mhysary

When I look at them n brace myself for plsusaable cause to speak, all my body reiacts is smile, it makes me feel like I don’t deserve to even be given a chance

N you might think how irrational, but it’s what I’ve known n in this comfort it’s not easy to choose the other way out

Its not even about comfortable anymore, it’s about how complicated, it’s about emotional verses logical, n how hard it is to process logical n apply that my state of mind has chosen to acknowledge it’s privilege but chosen to do nothing about the after math it leaves sugar caning this body, n the dream that makes able feel like breathing

How predictable, when breathing is now something to think about, rather than being second nature

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

15/8/16

Believe in you.

I want to speak my truth about the word believe

I want to ask this body to allow me to give it what it deserves

Explain that there is no fear in you, make it understand that believe is something so powerful n that it will always be possible

Let me tell you about this body, that today is one of the good days

That yes the weather is great n yes being kissed by the sun helps

N that’s okay because we need to recognise what makes us feel good

I want this body to recognise all the good it has achieved

N leave all the bad where it is, I want this body to be fearless, to be selfless, self love, n I talk importantly about selflove because I know what it can do

I know what kind of miracles it manifests, I know that when self confidence crosses it’s state of mind now

It means so much in a different light, that understanding the good is more important

That negative connotations are nothing but empty syllables

That it’s okay to be the way you are, that just because mental health kicks in doesn’t mean we aren’t worthy

It never means we need to give up, it means go harder

When you feel like your state of mind is switching from logical to emotional thinking, remember why you’re trying so hard, remember how consistent you have been with your mental health, that your state of mind is not a weakness it’s your greatest weapon 

It drives into so much of a deeper meaning, that it gives you reason in everything you do

It doesn’t matter what anyone says you get to choose what you want

Don’t underestimate what you are capable of in a whole

You are so much then just a body, a state of mind

You are your own identity, you are who you choose to be, you are you, whoever that person is, always chooses to be you, you are always you

N you will always be strong enough, brave enough

Believing in this means you’re choosing you

N there’s no better content in the word believe then giving yourself that kind of affirmation