Melody of Being Animate: Poetry

Ocean24 | 21.02.2024

My mind is racing and I am hearing what it looks like for eyes to begin to flood his office, I see the way he looks at my pacing hands I wonder if he can see my thoughts, I shake it off and answer his question, then he asks me about my life, asking how I like it breathing here, I tell him alive, I look into his eyes and ask him about my life he shrugs and asks my mind to stop calling for its name, to ask for help in ways he does not want to hear me speak, he wraps my mouth with what has been told to him even though he knows nothing about my mind he tells me to stop complaining, said am I always this impulsive about my environment I tell him yes, asked do you always just get up and leave I say yes, he asked me if I was anxious, as though he could see me avoiding his eyes because they lied to me as soon as I stepped foot into the room not meant for me, he called me dramatic and asked for my evidence, I froze and told him that when I was 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 I needed help in school, explained to him I was always lost, I couldn’t figure out who was lying anymore and I could feel my body want to run, could never find my way to the same answers as my class mates so I learned to stay silent, when I was 15 I was told to put that book down, I was questioned about my understanding standing up head down I could create oceans about how the education system has failed to teach me, I was left behind or laughed at I felt helpless for myself, my home was a wreck I quickly learned to keep her safe and this is when I first met my masked self, I took a deep breath and said nothing, I watched him talk about me as though I didn’t just spill myself into his hands as he wrote his notes into the computer I remember thinking this is why I don’t talk to you people about it, I left that empathy and cried about doing something good for my home only to cry about how my health was mishandled, checking my body to see if she is okay she was not so we cried together until it stopped, then we promised our home to not give up our mind. She deserves her peace, too, even after all this time.

Melody of Being Animate:Poetry

It’s over a year old and still makes sense. How do we make sense of love? | note sure just read:2023 (Actually <edited> 22 May 2023) me: oh thats today, great! *adds to time stamp Also me: Oh, not today okay cool.

Chaotic sweet melodic voice that finds its way into dreams in the deep blue black silvering nights, did she ever tell you why she knows the whisper of your heart calling their name will not let you rest until they have heard you speak your mind say love I have come to tell you about a feeling unmatched that have been keeping light awake in the early night, yet — here we are, everytime you close your eyes we see to cross paths you hear the most life has a ways of putting us on pause we do not like the disturbances but we appreciate the visits after us, asking you have you understood the significance of its affairs I want to tell you about a love story so kept it felt itself to share, I talk about love but I do not talk about being loved I wait in silence I am afraid of the times giving and the hearts spent giving out chances like they were wild sunflowers growing in my garden, my home, a safe haven I still think about the moments in memories astounded that this is what you might just be, — isn’t potential a funny word, I could ask when loving became this challenging but I already know the answer to that, speaking to you like this has never been easy I imagine you as we were the clouds, and the blue sky and the stars in the night hidden in the day light awake just a fall asleep with the rise your voice your eyes your hand holding mine feels like an intimate scent familiar, here, that I can never forget no matter how hard I have tried I wonder, when you question love what does that mean, it’s confusing being filled with emotional logic, it’s confusing making sense of words such as love whelmed like they’re so close like you could touch them, —close your eyes, and smell it whisk the air beside you but you know it’s more than that, this does not have an adequate meaning, Love is an ambiguous compassion, it’s not something that can be understood apart from the two individuals involved humorous isn’t it that love can make take on any shape desires, any form but also special, almost heroic, almost, — brilliant.

Melody of Being Animate: Poetry

22.5.23 |Affirming my reality is my superpower.

In my second world, I look however I want, there are no boundaries to my being, and I am living freely. I am living spirited and in lights, I am feeling the waves move through my body I can feel again, –I am allowed to feel again–, I am free here, I am relieved of all the earthy pressures I am in dihurnment to myself and my way of life, I see how we live here nowadays, I do not wish it upon any of you, I see how we scurry, how we drown, the way we perform to cheat the mind to air out the heart unattended because it does not fit the pressures of the world you have created for it’s vitality. You’re responsible for her heart. ‐She bleeds more water and you watch her drown in her own sea, there are fires about these stories, there is nothing left to survive in the second world we choose life over things we canot touch, in this world we do not settle our hearts we release its chains and watch them save the mind, here we encourage our body to understand its cells and make connections with its reality we do not form aliances out of favours we grant them for ourselves because we understand how the laws here work–.

–I am my most freest light here, I do not command anything. I make choices that aline to my greatest garden and I make moves–, I follow my path earnestly, I am ambitious about my soul and she watches our body grow from the experiences we have had the pleasures of becoming, we see clearly, we accept abundantly, we move freely, we are accepting of letting it all go, we do not hesitate our power anymore for those who choice to only see parts they have misunderstood in our body for their own pleasures, –this is not for us to decide–. Our power has a much grander cause of demand in justice and compassion. –I am as calm as tress, I am as calm as the water, I am, ease–.

Eve of spring to summer. | 26.12.22

You can’t take back the things you said, when I spoke my dreams to life you flicked them away like they were black girl fairy tales, I had to catch myself which made it mean I had no choice but to have strength in my words, when I begged for your love it was hard for you to understand this will always have a part of my childhood, –now I am able to grow my own garden, I had to teach myself what it meant to love truly, I was forced into depression as though my life depended on the prescription I taught myself how to live instead of surviveing I did it alone.– When I was breathing under my second world for my own love first, you can’t mask your words without it using them again, so you use them again, this time I feel my heart break this time I can feel my mind go numb at blood, my body has left me she has saved my soul we are existing in our second life this is how it has always been, since flowers, since third home, since I don’t want to look at people and be disappointed at their words for me, when it comes to this skin, I am always forced into spaces I do not belong in, how I see myself I can show you if you let me, how I choose to present and be present is slowly becoming my super power Honey is teaching me about puzzle pieces and I am thankful about the –meet-cute–.

Melody of Being Animate: Poetry

The goddess of love and passion. | 18.3.22

And so I tell them, I am more than you could swallow, —I make my own bones shake, we are not the same.— I tell them, my existence is to experience me and stay full on my own, I remind them it is not my responsibility to inspire your flame the way I walk upon this self couraged confidence I have crafted fates we are not the same, I tell myself you’re the goddess of love and passion you imitate your power so loud some may think it to be for them and selfish yet selfless you stay three burning flames, selfish like the way your love has learnt to share more into our home before she agrees to bring her waters and bowed head to the cook out of celebrations, dare her light be selfless as though her power be the only godly gift about her. — We have always stepped into our shadow so we can turn into calm water and earth, we are the garden of ease. We displeasure of temperaments here to break our necks and not our backs, say I Will never be responsible for your happiness I am building my legacy too high for my emotions to lay bare for my worth of anything taste emotion from another’s lips first, I am the goddess of love and passion.

BUY MY BOOK: Fire in the Rain. 2021

$25 each. Email me at hussfatma@gmail.com for a personally signed copy with a personally selected quote.

Entry #17 Covid has me unemployed after being employed and Im trying to get myself yet through another chance and restoring my livelihood when it is being threatened. How are you all doing?

So I just lost my full time job because I put in my resignation for my current full time job due to covid my timing could not have been anything but perfect, can you hear the sarcasm in my typing. I had a long drive from work today thinking about how life makes it possible to have so many fall backs and lessons with your own mental therapy about an outcome you so deliberately planned for, thinking about how this sounds so familiar back in 2019 dragged until 2020 and not until that year toward the middle I finally found ripe security in something I had wanted for myself so bad, I had worked so hard I deserved this chance. I was driving home from work today after what felt like a long shift thinking I worked so hard to get back to right where I began and for the first time in my life of downfalls I could not cry about it. My mentality lead me to lead us out of this mess the only way I grew to know how and that was with my strength to never give up on myself. I told me myself “I will never give up on who I am becoming and never give up on myself now. I have been hurt and down this rabbit hole of despair I will not fall for its old tricks again or at all I am better than this, I know I can get myself out of anything if I really wanted to so here I am getting myself out of yet another attempt and my livelihood.”

This is to us, those who once had a job and are now struggling with how the pandemic has handled our livelihoods. This is to us, we will make it out of this too I strongly believe in myself and I strongly believe in us, we have got this no matter how you look at this we have got this, no matter how it feels we have got this, there is always opportunity wherever you look, keep going this is no time to stop. Take some time to ease your body, soul and spirt about this, and as you’re calming down, adapt get yourself back to where you belong and that is being the best version of yourself for who you’re becoming to be.

Fatma.

Melody of Being Animate: Poetry

Drawing to stay alive. | 13.8.21

As it gets closer to my birth right I hear the sun through my skin, I can feel the change is near she is invited, she carries her optimism as her secret weapon so that when you see nervous she wills herself here the most, ,—a cunning nature that is vulnerable to the seeing eyes say those who do not see the whole of me have no worth to see me at all, —tell them to watch themselves as they spill right in-front of you say how careless are we to think a better version of ourselves dare you a heart too, dare you a mind that has learnt to skin alive she will peel back your layers you are layered, did you know this when you broke you lips to speak in poison? That each parts of self has soul so that begs each mouth to be the reckoning of legacy be the part where you first witnessed yourself glory be the sky you are the sky, this is your story to tell. —So tell me baby rain, when was the last season you first fell stumbled and picked your soul back up, we have to remind ourselves everyday who we are is plenty becoming and plenty sunflower, see the light ambers it shines deep into the fate of her eyes destiny she is your legacy to leave this earth and travel to the moon least once and back say—, have you heard of the ocean and how she swallows you whole like the way the sky and the ocean could hold the same space learn your deepest of desires make you smirk at you, seeing a sea reflection into these parts of the world, how they travel magically familiar into one another, have you seen this happen before; tell me, do you know what I mean?; please tell me you know what I mean? I have lived a many life’s and all have never been my first nor my last they have lived as I have became to live them and outlive them our past selves are travellers, and our future souls are to bare witness of the metamorphosis of our physical being hold prayer for our glory too, though soft to the touch this body has known much evil fire try to take her away from all that is good and well, again are we bodies reminded of our strength our power into us matched to our soul some more; shhhh can you hear the voices of intuition guiding your through this thought of mission too, we are purposeful beings there is nothing we are not capable of becoming even when we cry about our attempts enough to fill the sea her self, we come back to the ground just to reach the sky herself we revive as the rooted sunflower’s walking upon this land here in this form as we carry our voice as fruits of our labour too to say we did our best here, we will continue to become our greeted legacy even if it kills our past and ignites our future this is our dream, this is our story. — That’s quite enough of that from me, I’ve told you mine, now, won’t you share with me a part of your soul too?—

Fire in the Rain. By Fatma Hussein 2021

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Timeless inner peace.| 15.6.21

—Write a poem about (meaning) inner peace, you know a safe keep heart, beautiful mind you know a love note. Here’s to writing a prayer meant to last life times.—

This is for those who look into mirrors and see for themselves who they be, this for the cloud 9’s water infused fire ambitious with time for comfort for those who know about the Moons secrets and it’s healing in it’s silent silver light we be the untamed life forms that gleam the flickering never stops, we are of it’s light just to be called a star in our own life time, have we grasped this feeling today. We are God’s work, we are God’s work done so we radiate all it’s power and then some, who says dreamers of this world do not understand their reality a fool only knows no bounds to power of self, a fool will undeniably show you what happens when you play with oceans, this stream heavenly heavy on consciousness you would have to be asleep to wake at it’s surrendering, our light has matched flames walk into our path and centre of our fire yellow, red and blue dare it be colourless too, only fools could see to touch right?— They say inner peace grants us what we wish; inner peace is a conversation that comforts us to connect with contact with consistency and no lack for judgement fallacies, we can only dare this courage into us first —for those who are yet to step into it’s teaching of blood you must understand the difference between accountability and mission, between love and unconditional love, you must understand for self then for soul it is not enough to not keep going, you must keep going.— Your life, has a purposeful one, only the bravest of hearts, and conscious of minds, will come to understand, your ache for this thrive, your tribe, will find you so its up to you keep, going.—