Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

6.6.18 \ kissing.

Kiss, I can be nice and I can be casanova, I’ve learnt so well what it means to romance hearts and never exhaust melody of being animate, kiss me and tassle your words tightley enough around my neck wrap your hands with mine, please; and melt me with your rare, kiss, I get bored easily so be careful with my heart, it is bored to death with all the lies and split hearts of ghost words with no erotics, kiss me again, I am warned by her’s and him but I could not warn you enough about me, I’ll giggle into your ear whisk my tongue down your lips to your neck you have been warned about how I get my ways, it’s just one allure after another, bite you back and create fantasy right before your eyes, hands tied behind your back, I am not afraid to show you how much I love, when you love me too-, love you.

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Article #4: What do you do in situations that break the body? Infj-p self help perspective.

I’m so scared right now. You know when you know that the things that you know just aren’t going to happen to you, and you are sure that these things can not and will not happen to people like you forgetting you’re not the only loyal, honest, thoughtful, respectful person walking this life time regardless of how few. Yea.

Today (third day now) has been rough in terms of love, mental health and overall health. I like to think of myself as someone who is not so terrible in these situations and all I need is proactive advice, space, and time for myself. Let me explain.

When I found out this situation happened to me like most it was an immediate flash of disbelieve and there must be another reason. This narrative is honestly just a semi calculated breather of what I do and did with situations that I feel make me struggle with reasonable response, solution and over all well-being.

So the first thing I want do to when I notice something is wrong is of two things. One, listen to my body and two, seek the professional help needed. It’s so easy in our generation nowadays to Google a self research in these situations, and don’t get me wrong you’re being proactive for your body and that’s a healthy trait. However, it’s when you start to settle for this kind of help is when it becomes unhealthy. Remember, the internet will always be a black hole ambiguous answer engine, when even from the begin, you are unsure about what your body is trying to communicate with you. So be mindful to listen to your body, and seek professional attention.

The second urgency for me after I’ve listened to my body and seeked professional help, is to have some space. This could mean either having some one I love and trust wholeheartedly to talk to, to wanting my own personal space for my mental health to come to terms with the situation. I honestly switch up between the two interms of order because that’s what helps me the most, considering I’m a fairly private person. Just to sum up the second point, communication with some one you love and trust as well as what will personally help you whether it be time alone, or even speaking to your psychologist. This part is customizable, it’s acting as a segway for you to a healthy alternative reliever.

Then the final thing for me personally after I’ve done all these steps in order, is connect with myself in a loving way. You may know this more clearly as self love and self care. The reason why I put this under these two definitions is because it’s so easy when we are in an unfamiliar situation and head space to start to look at the situation in ways that are damaging to our self love and care; And these head spaces are very dangerous to the body in three parts. One your mind, two your body, and three your core. When I say core I’m stressing characteristics that are important to you and help shape who you are like core values, core beliefs and/or faith and more. For me alone time means to rekindle and remind myself the importance of worth, love, and care. I take time to help the love and care for myself as infinitely as I am able by acknowledging I am in no way perfect, that this is another pivotal learning stage in my life and that it will continue to shape me into a more kinder and diligent person. Not only for myself, but also for people whom I care about the most too. Because I understand I love to also help others find these types of life lessons too, as well as what’s the point of knowledge, if you can’t share it. Also I’m learning over all health also means internal health, being mindful of what I choose to put into my body without being too harsh on it’s soul.

Just to beautifully some up this breather. One, listen to your body and seek professional attention, two, take time in your own way everybody is talented different and lastly. Self love and self care is so important do not ever take yourself for granted. YOU IS SMART! YOU IS KIND AND MOST OF ALL YOU IS LOYAL!!! You’re only human so be gentle with your body, and remember perfection is unattainable and does not exist, because to us all perfection is an indifferent perspective and as good of a stereotypical statemeant and/or judgement as “good choices in society’s standards.” I’ll let that sink in.

“Thank you for reading.” _fh

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

24.4.18
you’re a bit alike you and the sky.

I want to be a lyricist, like I want a love like Kanye, and yo, I wanna be able to be the best dare in life for those cut tongue like connecting unspoken poems, the mind dipped in poison type’a shit, mood like ink to paper, like red, like cells, like what are you made of, like dreams, and listen, I’m not too good at this, I get side tracked exaggerations that always lead with timeless imagination then I get lost, like so lost that I can’t even find me, and you know I also want to make a tempo, that unfair unfamiliar beat that makes your mind want to swallow the body whole, about how we shift this life on its back, how god maneuvers, like what are the variables of our bodies existence to its potential and maybe unlimited to limited, or limited to unlimited you know, this is random, but I mean think about it, if I put you in front of a child would you be able to raise it well, like are you scared of raising it well, like are you scared of raising yourself well, get me, here me out, this wake got me feeling like some type of crazy, side track, I like the way I make them feel like they can’t, like they can, like baby you think you know what I got for you like nah you put it away, all this intuition and complicated I don’t think you can handle me, I have the skill of a shooting star in my palms, palatable I swear, and my friends, yo my friends are they type to become kin with the sky they are one of the loudest happiness I know, if you ever wanna know what it feels like, listen to some J.Cole, Aaliyah, Kanye, some Badu and Kojay, Goldlink, Mike Jenkins, Tupac smoke it all, breathe that shit in cause you know how much truth and water we need in this life, you know I’m also the type of bitch that lights shit on fire too, like, I like to tell people things they are scared of like the truth, like I love you, like mental health is fucking hard, like you lying to yourself too much, like I make good choices, like why are we so scared to talk about what makes us befriend the ocean the way we talk about what makes us palatable, like why are we so lost in our 20’s, 30’s, seems like forever, might be something in the way our body panics or exists, I dunno I’m still lost, maybe something about the way the sky looks at us, like we ain’t shit, like we might actually be the shit, I mean listen, you’re a bit alike, you and the sky.

Article #3: Why is mental health so misunderstood?

5.9.17 | 6.9.17

Mental health is an interesting topic. I find that its so hard for the person going through their own mental health journey to talk about their mental health. If I’m being honest, it’s partly society, kin and few other factors. I want to personally tell you what happens when someone you deeply care about doesn’t understand your mental health, and how I reacted to connotations along the lines of ungrateful.

Before I get into the article I would like to properly introduce myself, as always.
My name is Fatma, I am a 22 year old woc who has had clinical depression for 2 years or so now, and like most with mental health I took my time denying it as I researched what being depressed meant in every way shape and/or form. This means what it looked and felt like, but honestly mostly anything that would explain how I was feeling internally at such a mass intensity. I sat with the intensity for years before getting professional help. I am also an INFJ-P, daughter, friend, sister, self-care, mental health creative writer and possibly other sub headings that I can’t think of at the moment.

A couple of days or a week ago I told a friend of 8+ years about getting an interview for David Jones that I had applied for months ago. I told her that I won’t be going to the interview because we both know what happened when I worked in the sales industry not so long ago prier to this email, and it has now become a trigger I told her. I was expecting for her as my friend to see where I’m trying to come from with my situation.

To my confusion she was so shocked, and said that I’m acting along the lines of ungrateful and I looked her dead in the eyes and said

“what’s the point of me going to an interview that triggers me mentally. I don’t think its about being ungrateful. I’m trying to take care of my mental health and myself.”

And immediately she said “..I mean it’s up to you.” like I had a choice. I’m not trying to talk ill of her nor the situation, but after this conversation I started really thinking about what it is about depression that is so hard to understand. Also because I don’t talk about it with anyone other than my psych,  I’ve learnt to not expect others to understand depression. So to be fair I don’t blame her.

I didn’t know this then, but when she said that my mind almost tucked away what she had said and it was like what she had said was still being properly processed in my mind so that I could think about it clearly in my own time. In the moment although I was immediately internally irritated for a split second but not angry, because lord knows being an INFJ-P type it takes me time to react properly to situations most every time. I wanted to properly understand why she would say something like that to me knowing very well my situation and that she is a very close friend of mine. So before I could even react emotionally my body and my mind were unconsciously protecting me from my emotions knowing very well this was not usually how I would react.

From that day on I had started to get really depressed and each day it just got worse. I was frustratingly trying to unpack why on my own for an exhausting month. Then with my psychologist, we unpacked how I was feeling piecing together what was going on inside my head to figure out the trigger was mentioned by a friend, and my mental health was still reacting to the words said. In that moment, I was so shocked I couldn’t help but break down and everything I held back just overflowed out of me.

Even though I said I was done crying from others words, understanding that this is not what they really mean because to others, they don’t know how mental health functions in the body so for them its usually not that they really mean it, but rather they don’t understand its intensity and manifestation of their choice of words while talking to someone who is ageing through mental health.

What I would really want to challenge is why is it that we aren’t actively talking about mental health.

What are we so scared of?

We as a race don’t understand how it completely works, and for the person who is going through this internal battle all they do is everything they can to help themselves.

I strongly believe talking about mental health is so important. It may be uncomfortable for some however, this is only because as a society we get to decide what is of importance and mental health is without a doubt one of those justices.

Think about it like this. When we are in pain what’s the first thing as human beings we do as the kin, we listen, want to comfort and we want to help. So, why is it that when someone is going through mental health the same thing isn’t practiced? We all want to do what we can to make the people we love and care about around us feel accepted and trusted, mental health is no different.

 

Thank You.
Fatma Hussein

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

8.6.17 | 9.6.17. Dreaming Fable (you’re..)

I mime fables that have been seen of this salem, silent in the dark, that sit with the night sky and watch the stars fill its vacancy, a distilled memoir, that glimmers awakened dreams, it has never been about forgetting how to love, but it has always wished on the stars enough to make it real, to never forget that this kind of magic is crafted into all our bodies and we are left to spell it back once it has finished manifesting into our souls long enough to breathe its wild back to love, a spell bound feeling, that is the mirrored shooting star reality of our distilled dreams

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

24.4.17
Naked truth (dysfunction, never perfect) (self, heart beats, feeling too much + intensity..)

“..listen to its beats, steady of this mind, how it will turn your thought into interluded narration, your mind is a trapped organ, your finger tips are the only truth in this bodies narration, give it life, so much confused chaos, echoing too loud, can not exist at the same time, each heart beat will get over analyzed to a depth of imagination, the mind is a sick organ trapped in this body, you’ll feel its moods interchange its feeling until, it stops feeling like its painful to breathe, you’ll pick apart your confidence with this bodies words, unsure about which chaotic is connected to its infusion, don’t understand its conclusion, do you see, self, truth, the truth is that self is hard to manage, will always want to write as a form of plea, every poem written is encrypted with wreck, n self, its connected to feeling too much at this intensity, its always trying to mean control, can’t quite catch its pondering, call it for what this organ is feeling, this intensity must mean today is not okay, that when you’re mute to your own silence what is left, that your finger tips will shape shift into mouth, this raw inconsistency is difficult to conclude, to sit with, to breath next to, it comes when most unnecessary, will have you swallowing air before you’re ready to leave your space, before you can close the window n allow all the cool air in, wait..”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Give me time, I will carefully give concluded mental diagnosis of not only myself but try n give the ways in which this mind operates, I’ll show you how quickly you can, turn noose into faucet that is, designed in your own identity, break free of these connecting feelings n watch how quickly your mind has chosen to befriend its own shadow, the stigma behind this healing is that its always going to show you its teeth, it feels like there is no escape when your mind is in constant battle with reality, its never easy to ease its reality back to sane, its not okay that we push aside moods in order to get on with reality, sometimes these good deeds do not go unpunished, this healing resonates the feeling of demise quicker that it can manifest healing, on most days it feels like mute, like don’t tell anyone, like don’t speak, like, you’re not worthy, like, worthy had anything it owed you anyway, given this state, given this healing, these words don’t understand their caution, its unwittingly exhausting listening to this mind as your body sits in silence, don’t move.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Mood: “…prompt, probe at this like it was an infectious demise, unsure unsteady, hearts beats, his heart beat matched to your mood, his super power, not easily seen very, confused, mislead, calculated I want, their heart beat, can only give what is in my bodies gauge, I am not allowed to give more than this body has demanded, mood, love lies, sometimes, at ease, health fix, health, mental, mentality, heart beats, he doesn’t know how capable of you yet, willing to give your heart beat to show how much you care, his words are sweet perfection in this body, playful remedy to this mind, I want him.”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Lost and found, a lot of this mind’s confusion infectious dwell n this is not who I am, since when did you wake to believe what you have for yourself, understand that you can win, don’t like to get caught up in its noose, you can’t escape so easily anymore, we can’t go chasing people n expect them to fill this constant void, a missing identity, its been a while its been, months, reminded me about all the low turns that they, are better, survival is what life feels like n jagged edges accompany inevitably, wondering why I expect other’s who fill my love n, overflow this body with love that, they are all reason for this body, that without their existence self love is non existent, why do I greed their compassion to rescue me so much it, makes me question what self love means, n I’m I able to, attain its demeanor, precluded my own misconception of self loves bound only to rely solely on their body, their affection, to teach me, n not my own.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

17.04.17

Innocence: “..not weak, submissive shy, kind n gentle, all this, n much more, I miss the days where I could hear carefree whispered into the winter breeze, when spring bloomed with hope, sharing all our secrets to mother earth n, choosing to indulge ourselves in her beauty, I missed this, I missed being able to not give so much thought to dreams, enough to give it pardon free it’s possibilities n, not be scared of its what if’s wanted to be, the one who proves that dreams are worth never letting go that, when you feel defeated by it’s impossible alure this is, why its important to illustrate why you dream in the first place, being a dreamer n having a dream are two different innocences, dreamers are forever mesmerized by reason, for reaching the sky n, asking why the stars they see shine so bright, it’s finding answers when you have been told impossible, dream is, as simple as what you want it to be, I miss the days we talked about how fast we could glimce innocence in truth, rather bind to its opposite trait, not enough innocence, there’s, too much malice that fumbles without our own optimism, it blinding, catch this meditation, n…”