love me harder, I mimic those close to my heartbeat so I can speak their love language too, I invite their souls into my heart tell them, thier hearts are safe here and their mind is free to wonder in my presence I will make them feel light too, I smile so hard at the things that make me the most unhappy because this is a beauty mark I have learnt as a child too, I walk on moondust because I do not feel safe here, my mind is a safe space even though it never lets me rest its thoughts we are constantly in melody of each other about how to love and care for this body the best way we know how, my heart is like spring, if you pay attention to me I am yours until you stop trying, my body has leanrt to hold back and not allow for unworthy heartbeats to form thier presence even when the heart has already mistaken kindness for a pulse, we are not afraid to love but we’re afraid to break into two even halfs, people say we are strong this way too because we have taught the heart what it means to be both fragile and agile in the same beat, this is the best thing we do, when I am not in love, I think about its meaning and rearrange its concerlatons with differnt outcomes and reasons for its ache we’re never safe from its warmth, I tell souls close to me to always choose love but be warry if its teachings, I am not an expert on love just a girl with purple hair who writes crazy love stories to her own warmth; I wonder who will be next.
A home, been paying attention to the way you respond to my lessons, there is no type that have made it this far, I tell my kin to be careful with the way they swallow my words even I am learning, we talk about love and she tells me this is the first time, I know how she must be feeling, when you come this close you become a puddle of clichés, a mirrored glass of what you want to see even if it must mean the half untruths, love does this, she is high off his scent and I can see his spells lovesick out her mouth this way, talks about how unreal this must be, and I watch her happy like it were the night sky filled with moonlight, she asks me what to do with her heart and I tell her to be strong, love is a beautiful ache and if you choose to love, you must also be ready for its infinite charm, and she asks me, what happens, when heartbeat loves two people distance is a battle, and love is bitter sweet war, I fear for her heart, she asks again, what does it mean for love then, I look at her, she sinks into the car seat, the sky chimes rain down on the car as she turns the heater back on, I sink into my seat watching the rain, and I say nothing.
Heart-beat, an alternitive universe you go into your body, ask the heart connected fix me ways to find out why you keep going back to his type of love, know very well how he has learnt and unlearnt to memorize you, how he told you he wants to learn what goes on in your mind first, that he wants to know your attention before he gets too close to your body, you can see he is confused about what you show him and he is trying to hide it, you, are trying to hide, that you could fall this hard and not want to get back up, he told me we belong together and I wanted to ask him what he means by that, wanted to kiss the words out of him over and over and over again, he is so soft and so much fire I melt into his words like this, when I close my eyes, he is all I see, makes me light up just for him, I want to tell him I want to be his and his alone twice, he knows now, I imagine telling him this home is his too now, even when he walks away he is still misplaced into my whole heart, he knows how intense I can be while he watches me call on his name, he never misses my calls, makes sure he calls back if not all the time, doesn’t know I can see through him, that when you have observed lover this way there is no easily going back for you, he talks about future as though it were right there and you beam his words, think he has never looked this suductive, you’re also learning about his type of venerable, you also thinking this is the most sultry way about his presence, leave the way he makes you feel like there is no one is this world that could compare, waiting for his dial is like clock work, the perfect amount of space and fire, you could also call this love but, he says I am stubborn, so my pride is now at its highest submission.
There’s nothing more terrifying than yourself, when you reach a space in the mind where your body becomes this conscious unconscious being you’re left in limbo, its been nearly 2 weeks since I have started feeling this disconnected and in search of human touch and allowed for words like resistance, temptation and respect outside of myself, I’m constantly looking for answers in this person and I’m really starting to question whether they can be found only within me, I’m not doubting myself, I’m just trying to understand how it is I can heal through other faucets when these words keep attacking my healing shields, what do you do when you start to fall into obvious low’s when you’re feeling depressed it almost feels like almost nothingness, how do you change the taps to things like temptation and a quick fix I am at a point in my mental where I am realizing that I am not a person of strict routine when it comes to self-care, I mean I’m starting to think that maybe I should try and go back to routine, try to see how it works instead of blindly following help from things that I can not touch, my only problem with routine is that after a while, routine slowly begins to have the opposite effect-, I am still loading…
13.6.18 |14.6.18| “..i love you too..” playing with heartbeats. warning.
Stop it, you’re looking for love in all the wrong feelings, when the world has tested your patience enough take it as a lesson, do not dwell on its proof rather whip lash it compassion that you have been searching for love in all the wrong places, let your body correct you enough so you can see that these beloveds are not for the faint hearted, allow yourself time you have bruised your heart before and guessed the mind games its enough now, listen to what your body is saying, softly place your right hand on your heart be curious about its teachings this being has shown you a lot of its masks to the wrong kinds of hearts, you know exactly the kind of passion, the ones that like to ghost into mysterious and miss a good thing only to come back wishing at the hearts attempt, you’re not attentive to this body, the other day and time again you have watched heartbeats say they love hearts as you have teased its truth, this snake bite is not for the faint, you listened as they tore at the worth of I love you too attendant their hands are the habit at your hips, this is not new for them, you look at him and wonder what he thinks of as nice, want to score him with its consequences, want to yell at his shameful hands when you privilege love pretended to know its true definition is to beat it into and out your mouth, love is not flowers, its more than hope, you’re not to hope in flowers, nice for what, you point blades at their throat reminding them again to have been warned into this heart, you know exactly what it means to love, wishing you could grab nice by the heart look yourself in their eyes a fire burning through your body and into theirs smile at its reflection and say, I know what love looks like, because I know where it begins first-, do not tarnish and leave hearts broken in trails of your insecurities just because you do not understand its complexities peoples hearts are not for you to need to want and discard like empty shells this is a warning to you, next time, I won’t be so gentle, watch your breath suffocate around my existence-, you have been warned.
I tag on his pride and he drops to my mouth, I pick him up with my lips make way for his hands tell him I don’t like it slow, want something I can brag about, he takes my hands puts them behind my back tells me he will make sweet melody with my voice I can’t help bite my bottom lip look into his eyes and smile up at him, I tell him fine, and warn him I’m an expert when it comes to the right domineer, warn him again that I can also be an expert just for him, he looks at me trailing my sides until he reaches the soft tail of my back pulls me in and says, I have a bad habit when it comes to hearts like yours, I respond likewise as he wraps his hand around my neck warning me about his presence I can tell by the look in his eyes he is intrigued, he asks me about the undeserving I have allowed into my body commanding he is not like the rest of these heartbeats, I laugh and ask him to stop lying, say he has a lot to prove and words that sing in flowers are not the kind of song you’re after, he tightens his strength around my neck I grab his hand dazed he smirks and says, I am not like the rest of these hopes, I am sharpening my words enough to ignite you the way you like and pay attention to your body, give me everything you breathe in, I don’t like sharing inner beauty of the mind, don’t make me say this again, I taste my lips and say, how long did it take you to practice these kinds of spells I too I’m not hope, you should watch the way you use such honey then I push at his hand, and ask him to tighten his grip he dosesn’t, he tags my purple hair kisses me without missing a beat and says, I don’t like being told what to do there is no truth in my being that way, plus, were’t you curious about my touch, told you I can give you both love and ecstasy, I rest both my hands on his grip look at him and say, chock me harder, please-, soft fire dream.
Kiss, I can be nice and I can be casanova, I’ve learnt so well what it means to romance hearts and never exhaust melody of being animate, kiss me and tassle your words tightley enough around my neck wrap your hands with mine, please; and melt me with your rare, kiss, I get bored easily so be careful with my heart, it is bored to death with all the lies and split hearts of ghost words with no erotics, kiss me again, I am warned by her’s and him but I could not warn you enough about me, I’ll giggle into your ear whisk my tongue down your lips to your neck you have been warned about how I get my ways, it’s just one allure after another, bite you back and create fantasy right before your eyes, hands tied behind your back, I am not afraid to show you how much I love, when you love me too-, love you.
Observe, there are no bad people in the world but bad intentions, we are all chose of characteristics to how we are treated and seen how we are visible to the worlds eye too unkind to see that prejudice, judgment and double-edged knives are never the answer to another person’s body reaching out for help, be kind and listen to what they are both saying and not saying this is how we heal, place their heart in both hands and show them they are a home too, sometimes we all need reminding, observe, we are starved for ourselves never forgot that feeling it is crying for help from the deepest parts of your bodies affection, observe, how the rain has this way of at ease this body, I will never really understand why I’m convinced its a secret language between two realms, when it plays lullaby’s I can sleep anywhere, I sleep to this,- you won’t find me, I have so many hiding places that I confuse my breath for the air..
I create utopias out of nothingness how many more can say they are this type of dangerous when you reach beyond skies you melt into its masses there is no such thing as predictable I’ve always envied those who find themselves in chaos so I learnt how to breathe into this world the way a heart breaks and blood over shares.
I want him to be soft, I want him to be soft and my fuse, so I can be his softer and fire, so that when we find it hard to love in between we can always come back to each other in this type of soft flame, might have felt what its like, when you capture and captivate, combine things that the mind can only imagine you become high on this kind of illusion, there must be some type of magic here, an almost lovable tone that is spoken when they put together compliments that are as capable as your thoughts, how the word favorite has learnt to escape my mouth, I have already sweetened him and dipped him in your favorite kind of adore, dare I say its the way he talks, I had almost forgotten how to feel this fiercely.