Poetry: Melody of being Animate

17.7.19 – Making decisions for the life of you.

I’m thinking its left for interpretation, I’m thinking be assertive this way in other parts of your gratitude, I’m thinking we are human so no one is safe from broken connections, gusto waves that do not serve our highest beings are simply interchangeable, I’m thinking we all have a default, we all come made unknown, how some of us are curious about what closeness is and some of us couldn’t care less, how our values could be so different we are not human enough or merely human though we see the world in colours, taste in numbers, how some of us couldn’t care less about honesty and others care more about their own hearts, how there’s a way about it all, and there is, we are all the courage to be disliked and some are consistent on using words that change their lives, this way is how I also feel the world, the choice is both a conflict and simple state of mind, nothing makes sense or it makes too much sense and the fear to cower is shown into us, of how unknowing has never been so apparent into our homes this harshly first, suddenly the thing about self is that we are all living proof, some of us haven’t awakened our beats and the rest, well, they are dormant, some sleeping along side them touching heads and who are we,- I’m thinking about being locked up in libraries I could read here forever, this small daydream of mine, I am not afraid to brake or disappear one day, I have to accept this will happen with or without my energy well protected, I don’t ever want to stand still stagnant in how my life is lived, I want to remember my life as the protagonist that lived her own nightmares, the girl who battled her mind and chose life instead of existence, I want to be the person I know I am capable of resurrecting she is dragon bodied belly full blue flames and purple magic re-birthed alike, a brave act each time she faces her self she it met with forms of darkness, her life is the constant commitment of unlocking her own downfalls her courage is the fussy ability of turning them into weapons of intuition, she likes the intensity of the pain that comes with this type of healing, most will not see the importance of this healer, she does not shame her scars, it is the will of her that scars her skin this way the most, this is how she keeps the spark in her life, every word, narrative can be flipped she knows this too well,- So that when I die, I can say I have lived a dangerously envious life.

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Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

14.7.19 – rafiki yangu.

Mother tells me you’re too soft, she tells me her love for me is so abundant that she fears those who I allow into my space, thinks I only see others in magic lights and moon dust, and I want to tell her that yes she is right, tell her that my body has known too much to give up on others and myself, I can bare the pain, told her I can forgive most anything but dishonesty, said that there a many of me protecting my home the ways her and dad taught me second, the first is in my choices, when someone asks my home for my care about advice I am a warm lit room that can not refuse their visits, we have also known these types of vulnerabilities so it is not in me to never listen, my voice has been unheard for as long as I am aware, always known as soft, and not fire, I make sure I look my mother in her eyes and say I have always been both, when you feel your home being misunderstood its this pent up battle you have been having with your past and future self, it is not words you can say without carefully observing about its receiver, it is a misfortune of amber blue flames, the words just don’t seem to come out the way you feel them to, is it not enough to exist through these hardships and come out alive but to furiously bury them, you do not remember yourself to be this way, this is not how your light shadow deals with conflict, there are versions of myself and all of us living amongst these happenings, depending on your spirit, watch your lessons well, when you understand your own down falls and raisings first you understand places of yourself you have yet to over grow, your way of keen for knowledge in the most turbulent consistent way it is not for everyone to grasp if not for yourself only, you do not answer to any being first if not for who you’re healing from first, knowledge is becoming of us all it is how we use it and find its access that gives us purpose in the first place, I can truly speak as someone who allows room for others first it is never an easy task to put myself before those who have had space into my heart, as a forceful dreamer I can honestly advise I am not a home that carries predictability well, so when you come for my soft spots I will gladly return the favor in ways you did not know possible, this is not a warning, it is a gift for your home, and your next choice of honesty.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

7.6.19 – 8.6.19 | will you count me in

When asked about my more of blackness I am filled with emotion and blood, can feel my palms get sweaty a me watching their tone to my skin is me remembering that I did not miss any mirrors on the way here, this is a soul that is learning about her body and how it allows to take up all the air in a room, like all the elements of this blue planet done gone blessed her with so much ache, with so much love for what is becoming to be both black and woman, to be this black and woman, I am a black woman that has no shame into her own mind, will bare you her depression type 4 that has taught her how to love when death tries to do us part, be the squeezed hand held so tight calling out to soft hands look here, will count you in mississippi’s like, one mississippi, love yourself first before you love other homes, two mississippi, love how it feels to care for yourself first this world will not apologize for what it has done to you and when you have chosen a path that has reckoning of both identity and love it will be a gentle reminder of who you’re allowing yourself to vine into, it will be a prayer, a kind solitude that needs no reaffirming, a gift for the next gratitude into your home, three mississippi, do not force a you that is still healing, you have yet to unlearn and this is more than okay, in this world it is a must to hear your own voice with your eyes, touch your fingertips and watch your ambiance dance this is anthem enough, is to hear your voice and feel you’re enough, to love my 4c from a generation of royalty, of history and passed down recipes is to love me back harder, is to love this body, is to love me back into this body is to mean to know how to love back harder, so the next time someone asks you about your blackness too, pour them a cup of chai, welcome them into your soul, let them meet everyone at home, let them know this here knows what it means to dedicate a whole day to her 4c, let the guest you welcomed into your home know this here is going to be a while.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

7.6.19 – 6.6.19|my name.

The truth is I thought about this so much, I re wrote it to be perfect when in fact we are nothing but, the truth is when I am asked about where I am from I say black I say Kenya I say Africa and nothing else, sit and watch their mind make me a mistake like I shot gunned so hard like I pulled out that chair so they could fall flat on their ass, like so they know that broken taste sentence be the worst punch line in replacement of who am I, like waking up from a bad dream, the truth is, this question does not intimidate my existence, it ignites my fire and I am watching the question burn alive into my voice I have engulfed its existence full stop, set it alight into the sky told the wind to drag its ashes right through black twitter ready to be asked again full stop, I will not stand here for this I am happy about my blackness so when you fix that mouth with that tone and say things like the n word is derogatory, I am reminded again that you know nothing of what you think your savior dressed skin looks like, the truth is, when I look around me about how my blackness is seen in a room covered by eyes it does not feel good to been seen by these thoughts I mean what I’m saying is passive racism is to be seen by their own thoughts, a savage waste land of my blood my hair dry from all my heat, damaged, I am attempted to set them on fire and this time I choked on my tears, the truth is, when asked about my blackness I say beautiful, I say look how much of my parents, I say love and blackness and enough, and then I say my name too.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Burning Spring Love. (fell from the sky.) | 15.5.19

hey love, kiss me, tell me you can bring down the sky for me, tell me the stars ain’t nothing compared the way I make you feel like without this love there is no other matched to what I am with you. tell me how you found us, tell me all your hidden secrets, tell me you’ll listen to my silence even when its raining, tell me how much you love spring, the way it leaves us to love harder, how talks like this are the best kind of kink, I remember when you asked me what passion was to you, how you could taste it near my lips, how close we are to sparking these flames, nothing like spring in late November, write me away, use your words, tell your fingers to stop misbehaving next to flames this bright, tell me again how you can not leave my burning spring, how you’re not afraid to lose me, how we ache apart enough to close any lost words, sometimes we may burn buildings and ask the spring to leave, the way you understand how I love, how my hands are the place you feel the safest, how my voice is reason for it all, learn me more of your scars, tell me how you keep that voice, how you love so hard, we are both this way, both melting into each other, you don’t agree with me, we fight about how our voices both hold our love, how they cradle something this inherited, how we wind each other up, how we love to hear our love out loud, there’s nothing more dangerous than love.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

19.3.19

You know I get it, we get so caught up into spaces and sometimes its so easy but so hard, like hopelessness is inside our norm I get it, sometimes its a life, there’s something to be said about time when you feel like these outcomes are not matching up to who you are, who you could be, I’ve been there before, where you feel like there is no space for you, you’re are not allowed to do what you want what you need in order to live up to your own truest self and, we get stuck on mindsets that really know how to break down whole bodies, sometimes breathing is not enough and I always secretly hated being told to breathe in and out for every broken part of my whole, it was never a start for me that way, I wanted to look for quick fixes and that was the first time I learned some of my triggers, they are always changing but I have also learnt to give them time, to reflect often into thoughts, I needed time, my own space, away from home, sometimes I ran away from home because it feels all too familiar, I am not one to ever give up this way too, I had made my choice the times I chose myself over everything that yelled at my body, I am untold fire, I am the secret story, I am the story that is still choosing to be written I am my choices of everything I have created of me, so anytime anything comes at my home and wants to break in I am ready with all my pain and love for always choosing to survive the ways in this life too, you can not break down a door that is safety in numbers, there is no one who can tell me otherwise I won’t even dare you, that would be me putting a knife at your soft spots carefully hidden asking you to have a conversation with the secrets you’ve been running in cryptic circles from your own home first, I know, and this is just the beginning.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

It’s a nice idea, but it doesn’t exist: reply| 19.3.19

I want you to think about this for a moment, think about it the same way you hold yourself, after you having given yourself permission, the same way you crave your own attention, I want to you to think about how you let something so untrue into our being when there are words like humility, trust, like honesty like dreams, words that had no meaning until you assigned it its divine correlation, how often you smack your mouth in the name of words like healing, words that had no specifics until they aligned with your intentions until you found its meaning, how careless are we enough to believe things if not for who we are, for ourselves first, can we not seek this much, I hear this statement so often and I wonder about the love they have in them first, the dreams they have given life, I remember moments like the milestones we take deep breaths after, how close we are to achieving something we have manifested for so long, how good this feeling is, that it is both real and out of this world, when we mention words like love and someone else why is it so hard to see, I mean like we tell ourselves it doesn’t exist when we are seeing it come to life in so many people, we must understand outcomes like timing and love, see its attention to detail and notice its perks, who says these words know the bitter taste it leaves in its mouth, between clenched teeth, has been here before, is both unrequited and swear to leave this feeling alone, to never know about its meaning, when we question words like love in all forms we are confirming notion of its opposites, we are denying facts based on heartbeats, on a changing person, we are allowed to change, we are allowed to heal and move, love is not conforming it does not have strict synonyms it will eat the alphabet alive then rearrange its meaning just for you, be careful with perception, the mind is both the truth and a liar, your heart is both armor and silly, trust in your intuition, be honest with your body, you’re coming out of a closed state this way too, lean in to learn yourself to choose love over its definition too, can you hear me okay back there too.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Drafted love letter (receiver: self) | 13.3.19

A loose cannon mind, vulnerable to life this is how she lives, fearless and freedom in her spirit birth-right, she has exhausted everything that has buried her and shown her what chances at life could be like, there is no room to be scared of things that she can or can not control, she gives it justice, she is not scared of anything or anyone but herself, this here has been a careful failed attempt at so many times there is not enough that could amount to all the wrong that has gotten her here, effort is a representation of her soul, don’t get carried away by what you see in her, she is both conflict and solution in human form, she has these still scars that she says make her who she is and everytime they ache she is reminded of who she has been, her story is a forever written, she has undying bound to herself first, there are many ways in forms of her anarchist mind, her heart is titanium seasoned in spring, let love in and allow love to leave this is also how she has learnt herself a fearless freedom fighter, she is not censored to candy or chocolate she more like a futuristic drug, she has this will about no regrets so everything that leaves and enters her mouth is honest and forgiving, there is malaise in this type of living too, there is simply no time to allow for these types of external growths to clean her slate of imperfect favorites, she is a carried generation of women that have healed her soul, how often is it you get to see a being this untouchable, vulnerability is nothing to be scared about when you’re in love with affirmations of growth, of self, in love, into change, from heartbeats, and fall for heartstrings, we’re are all a heartache away when we await these better selves, this a breath and a slice of cheesecake with a cup of water, its looking in the mirror and unlearning bad habits from old habits, its recognizing yourself at all times, is to stand firm when you add sweetener to your coffee and feel eyes, remember the word choice it will give you full comfort to know this is a type of you that is an absolute finesse to conquering who she is first, talk your shit, you have waited your own long ago, treat yourself to your dream.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Honey honey, honyed.| 13.3.19

Come in, honeyed lips dripping from a sweet scent this is what it has come to, in response to your words no I don’t know how to do that, I have been here once before and it lost my words on purpose and this time I am him, mirrored words that a line on palms our hands held together that night I never would have thought this is what I would come to, I am a dying mess of you, this is all your sweet fault, even when you say you fear it I am still here what I’m I doing here, I spilt my own thoughts now I’m left with its certainty, god I’ve been here before where I didn’t want to give it a name but the feeling was so lucky I felt my heart ache, is this heartbreak, say I’ve been here into this feeling falling from the sky this way, I want to tell you please don’t let go, beg with my hands behind my back for you to come back to me, patience is something I am learning for you too, you’re taking space into me and I don’t know how to stop it where is this all coming from, after all that phone call clinged onto me like assurance of my feeling and your honesty, learn me what you said when we were first meeting, I want it all, you tell me you’ve changed not knowing this is who I wanted to know this whole year, lately we’re so afraid of our feelings more than we are of the meaning, the body can not handle all that love, what is that feeling again the one where you don’t understand why, how hearing their voice is enough, how they are enough, when did words become so easy for you, they over share out of your comfort you’re a breakdown for love, two too many, I’m I only lost words, a memory of a feeling, have the souls reversed, sometimes I can’t tell, will you call me again so I can hear your voice just to be sure, I’m scared too, I want to hold both of us, I will never leave you, trust my heart, when have I ever not peeled back my skin for you, this is no wonder, come to me, I will love us both when you find the words to tell me, I am learning patience, I don’t know how to call it this way, I will protect my heart and listen to my body this way too, I have mantras from galaxies back from Jupiter healing me this way too, you’re a long found planet, and I am a curious focus, which is also another way of exclaiming a long list of optimistic metaphors that are still unfinished but shuffled, you want to understand my mind I will share with you all its love come closer I only have you in my mind anyway, I am learning patience, wish my planet luck.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Gratitude of love (healing us ver) | 6.3.19

How careful, we steal hearts and glances the way we breathe, we use words to never use them in front of each other and sometimes ourselves how often do we wish to stay this soft a greedy us, are so misguided even to our own who gives us permission first, do we only ever seek words that gratify us from all the misfortune we confine our selves in, could we cry us all the oceans in our blue planet the irony is both intended and a learning effort, how determined are we to fail at love until we understand how close we are to its warmth so we say always, want this kind of love first from the beginning before we give it control, when we are a disciplined flame the smoke carries our sky and we get whispered away by worn down hearts trying to heal themselves too, what are the selfish rules we must come to closure within a body that has both bruises and love, they say what they want, there is no wrong way to love someone, that letting go clears the air, the date spent with a returning body, do we devour in perfection our existence close, in order to let go, how much does it really have to hurt until its all over, how do you let go and move on when oceans are irony of a false affirmations, is this human enough for me, how long does it have to heal, is this way of confrontation in narrative too, from healing people too, healing people with unsure love can they only still heal too, I swore I would not repeat him again so why does it still hurt so much, the catch is either you or not them don’t fool yourself any longer, leave this karmic air alone, set us both free, this is how we belong together too.