Poem: Melody of Being Animate

21.6.17
keep me (beautiful weakness..)

I might care for you more than you’re willing, able to feed this body with the love I have drowned you into its own meaning, you’re the first and last thought I think about, and its frightening when I think you’re ever leaving, I reminisce so much of the way you speak, remembering words that have been beauty marked into my heart, this fear of loving is making me unable to show you too much of the ways in which I have missed so much of you, it’s tiring, loving when you’re afraid of the receivers response to this intense feeling, this kind of longing is no temporary sensation, the eyes have watched you long enough to miss the way you have been seen into this body, a beautiful weakness, I want to be an intense feeling bind your words to my heart, keep your body close to the mind so you’re unable to live without its warmth, love you the way flames feel when you get too close, I want to melt in your arms long enough to be called yours, you’re a beautiful weakness, and I love the way you form words that are as soft as the way you want to indulge me, keep me safe, I want to be all yours.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

19.6.17
life..(interlude..)

A welcomed conversation, how often do we get to sit this comfortable and witness the mind this open, do not forget about its illness it is a valuable asset to its existence, it is no disciplined definition, it is a diffident kind of love, we are still learning to exist with its interference’s, learning fearlessness from back bone, and fluid flowing into our stream, how often are we welcoming and welcomed of uncomfortable, do we accept its way of healing and slowly allow the word love to grace the mimic of our mouth, let the sun light in, you have been gone too long, been seen too often of room dimmed in candle lit long enough just to be called empty, you’re not empty, remember this heart, has been beating for every kind of love so many times there is no limit to selflessness, and the mind constantly having to be hero for the way this body beautifies, and how the body has learnt to hide behind broken so beautifully, we are only here to exist as we want, as we choose so careless to its boundaries, who needs constraints when you have found the absolute in living each day, when you’re hero each day-, thank you for reading this, I hope we can do this again sometime.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

14.06.17 | love song (bind me to you..need)

“..what does the body do when it has found a way to solve heart beats, it doesn’t know how to catch this feeling and learn to let it go so easily, this feeling, has found a way to stay in this body, can’t call it uninvited, how do you do that, make it feel like you’re the only one who can make it feel like this body needs, you, when you control do you mean the way the mind has also fallen-, linger, no, stay here longer, I am slowly binding my words to match yours instead of losing them in your eyes I want to lose them somewhere along the same intensity of what you love, somewhere permanent, I want you to need this entirety.”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

8.6.17 | 9.6.17. Dreaming Fable (you’re..)

I mime fables that have been seen of this salem, silent in the dark, that sit with the night sky and watch the stars fill its vacancy, a distilled memoir, that glimmers awakened dreams, it has never been about forgetting how to love, but it has always wished on the stars enough to make it real, to never forget that this kind of magic is crafted into all our bodies and we are left to spell it back once it has finished manifesting into our souls long enough to breathe its wild back to love, a spell bound feeling, that is the mirrored shooting star reality of our distilled dreams

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

7.6.17
Hurting.

What do you do when you can physically feel your body ashing its bones from the inside, you know this feeling too often always uninvited and doesn’t leave until it has made sure you have tried dying at least once, when you have this illness, that likes to eat your body from the deepest parts of its pain and you don’t understand where it found the courage to find it without letting you know first, this illness, likes to keep secrets and never tell this body how to fix its accidents, leaves the body feeling like it is ready to die from its own failure of not being able to locate its demise, how do you sit with something that is trying to kill you slowly, when you’re suffering on your own you are almost forced to witness a death right before your eyes without love knowing you were even there, without family knowing how much it hurts because this kind of pain doesn’t just come with broken bones crunched to dust taken by the empty in this shell of a beautiful body, its so much harder to breathe when you’re not sure if the air you’re breathing is worth living, I was 10 when I first wanted to take my own breath, not long after attempting to see what it would look like to show my mother what it feels like to bleed her words, I imagined flooding this room with all my pain to maybe understand how this body was feeling, to feel better, to stop the pain, I just wanted it all to stop, I didn’t understand why it was coming for me in this kind of cold and loving way, I was 20 when I realized that the words I wrote down were a ransom from this illness, this body is being held hostage, and the heart is barley fighting to stay alive, how to rescue yourself internally when you can’t even save yourself in your living reality, what kind of jaded mood stays for this long, I was 21 when I asked for help, wanted someone to come help me because I didn’t know how to do it first, I was so confused about how this illness attacks this body the way the word enemy comes to the tip of my tongue telling this body words that aren’t true, weakening the heart to confuse abuse for love, you are no hero when this illness comes to surface and claws at every single part of this good body, this bleeding heart, the ache, of numbing the body in a whole is to forget you’re even existing, that you’re alive, this illness likes to drag my body to its absolute and watch it scramble to get back up, and all the heart can do is tighten at the bodies attempt, scared this illness will come for it next, the souls are no where to be found, I am left to save this body alone, just me, who can save this body but me, I am the only one vacant every breath you’re not here when the body has whispered how many times it has given up, and how the heart weeps a flood of pain, you can’t feel this feeling to this intensity don’t sit there and tell me you understand help me, tell me you can help me, that its all going to be okay, that it doesn’t have to be like this, tell me I will get better, that I don’t have to live with this illness bruising this body enough to call them part of this body, I don’t want these wounds, you hear people talk about selflove and how they have not found it, people like me, have not found self love they talk about it like its so close, like its almost in their hands, where, help me find it, I need to find it, Im so scared that one day my body will have enough the heart will be silenced and mute to its own pain and this illness will convince the body to go to sleep forever, a solution, maybe, how do you fix yourself from the inside with an illness bearing teeth at each attempt you can not win this way, help me

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

28.5.17 – 29.5.17
Note to self: love can lie

Note to self, doesn’t care, only hears voices that speak with dipped in poison split tongues, you were warned, by body, eyes, narration marathons in the form of false actions, disillusioned, told you to watch out for mishaps in the blank spaces that don’t match motion, too loud, what we’re you looking at, looking for, imagine the strength is has taken for body to watch the heart break at so many double edged knifes, the body spoke with shards of glass tip pointed to the heart wept and called the heart a coward for not letting go of what will hurt this body reminding the heart that it beats to unseen too often blurred lines and broken truths, weak, the body begged to not be taken for granted too harshly, that you’re both soft and honest and that is the perfect bate for sharks that swim this close to the shore, you’re to choose you, never forget that praying for the hearts guidance in both compassion and care the body is both heal and hero, don’t know no in between catharsis this is strength that has been learnt and undone from unlearning masks before it allows them to be seen of too soft, pretty first

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

26.5.17
Black flower

I only see him, words that form out of his mouth like beautiful song he is song, melody so mesmerising how can you look away, when these kinds of lyrics escape their mouth its the closest sensation to what I imagine heaven to sound like, to feel like, like ain’t nothing as beautiful as your own words, the way you happy sugar canes into my heart, it reminds me of the word happy when I have misplaced it into your being, of all the beauty in this world you’re the most love, you’re the most happy, you make nothing else matter the way you care free this black joy, you have been beautiful song bloom from endless conversation and laughter enough to make everything else disappear, dear flower, thank you, for teaching me what it looks like to create, grow, love and be happy, more all in one melody.

Garden of Words Anime, RAW: Melody of Being Animate

22.5.17
Garden of words (RAW)

“..you speak to me so gently, like you’re touching something fragile, I’ve never told anyone this before, about a lot of things, do you think its too late for me?-, I wish the rainy season had never ended, I’ve always been here, stuck in the same place, its okay, we’re all human, we’ve all got our little quirks-. Him, I think this might, this might be, her, the happiest, them, time of my life-, him, I think I’ve fallen in love with you, her, together with you, in this garden of words..”

A TANKA: Garden of Words (Japanese Literature)

Narukami no sukoshi toyomite (A faint clap of thunder), sashi kumori (Clouded skies), Ame mo furanu ka? (Perhaps rain comes), Kimi wo todomemu (If so, will you stay here with me?), Narukami no sukoshi toyomite (A faint clap of thunder), furazu to mo (Even if rain comes not), warewa tomaramu (I will stay here), imoshi todomeba (Together with you).

なるかみの, すこしとよみて,
A faint clap of thunder,
さしくもり,
Clouded skies,
あめもふらぬか,
Perhaps rain will come.
きみをとどめむ?
If so, will you stay here with me?

なるかみの, すこしとよみて,
A faint clap of thunder,
ふらずとも,
Even if rain comes or not,
わはとどまらむ,
I will stay here,
いもしとどめば。
Together with you.

– Man’yōshū vol. 11, verse 2514 – 2513,
from the movie The Garden of Words –

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

16.5.17

“how they can only remember how much good with this mouth lay on their skin, fixed to their tune, unwound you, disregard feelings of the mind, so quick to forget, silly, on purpose, don’t understand why this is become a recycled melody, the one you can’t stop playing, trying to understand its tunes will only make it hurt even more, let it go, you don’t need to hum so close to those who don’t want to understand your melody of being animate when it comes to the tuning of this mind, watch closely, can you see their off key isn’t in tune matched to yours, do you see it, look closely, do you see it now..”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

16.5.17

they will always come back, forget too often, silly, can’t understand how much good with this body wrapped with theirs, you’ll make the perfect melody together, they come and never forget to leave this broken song right after they finished admiring and appreciating your melody, this, it happens so often they mask their scent into your skin on purpose, silly, you forget to farewell their animate, don’t let there be a next time