Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

7.6.19 – 8.6.19 | will you count me in

When asked about my more of blackness I am filled with emotion and blood, can feel my palms get sweaty a me watching their tone to my skin is me remembering that I did not miss any mirrors on the way here, this is a soul that is learning about her body and how it allows to take up all the air in a room, like all the elements of this blue planet done gone blessed her with so much ache, with so much love for what is becoming to be both black and woman, to be this black and woman, I am a black woman that has no shame into her own mind, will bare you her depression type 4 that has taught her how to love when death tries to do us part, be the squeezed hand held so tight calling out to soft hands look here, will count you in mississippi’s like, one mississippi, love yourself first before you love other homes, two mississippi, love how it feels to care for yourself first this world will not apologize for what it has done to you and when you have chosen a path that has reckoning of both identity and love it will be a gentle reminder of who you’re allowing yourself to vine into, it will be a prayer, a kind solitude that needs no reaffirming, a gift for the next gratitude into your home, three mississippi, do not force a you that is still healing, you have yet to unlearn and this is more than okay, in this world it is a must to hear your own voice with your eyes, touch your fingertips and watch your ambiance dance this is anthem enough, is to hear your voice and feel you’re enough, to love my 4c from a generation of royalty, of history and passed down recipes is to love me back harder, is to love this body, is to love me back into this body is to mean to know how to love back harder, so the next time someone asks you about your blackness too, pour them a cup of chai, welcome them into your soul, let them meet everyone at home, let them know this here knows what it means to dedicate a whole day to her 4c, let the guest you welcomed into your home know this here is going to be a while.

Advertisements

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

7.6.19 – 6.6.19|my name.

The truth is I thought about this so much, I re wrote it to be perfect when in fact we are nothing but, the truth is when I am asked about where I am from I say black I say Kenya I say Africa and nothing else, sit and watch their mind make me a mistake like I shot gunned so hard like I pulled out that chair so they could fall flat on their ass, like so they know that broken taste sentence be the worst punch line in replacement of who am I, like waking up from a bad dream, the truth is, this question does not intimidate my existence, it ignites my fire and I am watching the question burn alive into my voice I have engulfed its existence full stop, set it alight into the sky told the wind to drag its ashes right through black twitter ready to be asked again full stop, I will not stand here for this I am happy about my blackness so when you fix that mouth with that tone and say things like the n word is derogatory, I am reminded again that you know nothing of what you think your savior dressed skin looks like, the truth is, when I look around me about how my blackness is seen in a room covered by eyes it does not feel good to been seen by these thoughts I mean what I’m saying is passive racism is to be seen by their own thoughts, a savage waste land of my blood my hair dry from all my heat, damaged, I am attempted to set them on fire and this time I choked on my tears, the truth is, when asked about my blackness I say beautiful, I say look how much of my parents, I say love and blackness and enough, and then I say my name too.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

28.5.19 | Mine.

Who am I, I am someone that deeply holds my voice close to my amour, I am the kind of depression that allows others holds their hand and whispers to them that vulnerability is important, who you are is important, explain we are so much into a world that does not care about things they can not touch, that you can not bleed enough for them, I am someone who will give you love letters that help satisfy your soul first, I believe in our capability, I want to reach into your mind so you know what humility looks like, touch your heart with my eyes when you tell me what has been keeping you alive today, my view of this world is the most balance, it is both a growth a reality of two outcomes of myself and who I am becoming, I’ve held conversation about this breath enough, space in and out of mind for who I am first then you, I am the kind of breath and fire and soft and watching people make choices, watching who I am becoming make choices, humanity is both list-full and limitless, when I brake my bones for you you will know, when I call you it might be 10 years down this growth, I watch the way we speak, my home, my curiosities are somewhere along side impulsive and intensity, I am one or the other never both, to co exist is to understand and make room for the person who is the truest self first, if I do not learn from who I was I would never be who I am becoming first, -don’t completely lose yourself into things and people, lose yourself completely enough to evolve on to the next glory/ prayer/ gratitude/ self. -what/who will you choose to become.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

20.4.19 | Guest.

How do you follow me into my home, I’ve been thinking about what manifestation is, what it could look like in this state, I’ve also been talking out loud trying to remember how to use my words when I am this unexpected, I have always told myself that it’s always going to be okay, that you’re allowed to be here too, when my depression visits it brings all the ache with out the twins, knows how to flood in memories, this type of meeting has always still been this way, has always felt like the very first time, and like the last time, what do you call an insomniac with dreams, an unstable mentality into a life, how do you call it again, I’ve gotten so used to being lost that the word its self has fooled both meanings, everything in me is preparing to shutdown, there are two of me here, what is that name again trauma, healing, these words buried so into me I can’t help them out of me, sometimes I’m scared about it all, I don’t exactly know when its going to end, I’ve been holding onto my pieces picking up its shards my hands bloody, I know there are guests of who I am living here, coming in out as they please, they are sloppy, careless and misunderstood, so caved into harsh words that have never belonged here, you tell yourself not to bring that kind of talk here, we did not agree on these types of unnamed chaos too, my existence feels like its on pause again, somewhere I can not even give myself the permission to do anything but breath between these four walls, this has always been beyond a feeling, I know what it feels like to heal, I know my breath has done gone been here too long we want us back so hard, we still do not like the process of understanding everything when guests are this rude into our home, I still have dreams to bring me back alive and well, want to break all these pieces into more pieces and say look this is how I am made it here too, I am learning courage in so many conversations, learning there are more than two sides to every word, I am teaching myself that it is the best thing to fail and hearing my own plea’s is me condemning me to come into myself as I step outside of who I am, to look at all of me and hand my trauma the key for next time.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

19.3.19

You know I get it, we get so caught up into spaces and sometimes its so easy but so hard, like hopelessness is inside our norm I get it, sometimes its a life, there’s something to be said about time when you feel like these outcomes are not matching up to who you are, who you could be, I’ve been there before, where you feel like there is no space for you, you’re are not allowed to do what you want what you need in order to live up to your own truest self and, we get stuck on mindsets that really know how to break down whole bodies, sometimes breathing is not enough and I always secretly hated being told to breathe in and out for every broken part of my whole, it was never a start for me that way, I wanted to look for quick fixes and that was the first time I learned some of my triggers, they are always changing but I have also learnt to give them time, to reflect often into thoughts, I needed time, my own space, away from home, sometimes I ran away from home because it feels all too familiar, I am not one to ever give up this way too, I had made my choice the times I chose myself over everything that yelled at my body, I am untold fire, I am the secret story, I am the story that is still choosing to be written I am my choices of everything I have created of me, so anytime anything comes at my home and wants to break in I am ready with all my pain and love for always choosing to survive the ways in this life too, you can not break down a door that is safety in numbers, there is no one who can tell me otherwise I won’t even dare you, that would be me putting a knife at your soft spots carefully hidden asking you to have a conversation with the secrets you’ve been running in cryptic circles from your own home first, I know, and this is just the beginning.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

It’s a nice idea, but it doesn’t exist: reply| 19.3.19

I want you to think about this for a moment, think about it the same way you hold yourself, after you having given yourself permission, the same way you crave your own attention, I want to you to think about how you let something so untrue into our being when there are words like humility, trust, like honesty like dreams, words that had no meaning until you assigned it its divine correlation, how often you smack your mouth in the name of words like healing, words that had no specifics until they aligned with your intentions until you found its meaning, how careless are we enough to believe things if not for who we are, for ourselves first, can we not seek this much, I hear this statement so often and I wonder about the love they have in them first, the dreams they have given life, I remember moments like the milestones we take deep breaths after, how close we are to achieving something we have manifested for so long, how good this feeling is, that it is both real and out of this world, when we mention words like love and someone else why is it so hard to see, I mean like we tell ourselves it doesn’t exist when we are seeing it come to life in so many people, we must understand outcomes like timing and love, see its attention to detail and notice its perks, who says these words know the bitter taste it leaves in its mouth, between clenched teeth, has been here before, is both unrequited and swear to leave this feeling alone, to never know about its meaning, when we question words like love in all forms we are confirming notion of its opposites, we are denying facts based on heartbeats, on a changing person, we are allowed to change, we are allowed to heal and move, love is not conforming it does not have strict synonyms it will eat the alphabet alive then rearrange its meaning just for you, be careful with perception, the mind is both the truth and a liar, your heart is both armor and silly, trust in your intuition, be honest with your body, you’re coming out of a closed state this way too, lean in to learn yourself to choose love over its definition too, can you hear me okay back there too.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Honey honey, honyed.| 13.3.19

Come in, honeyed lips dripping from a sweet scent this is what it has come to, in response to your words no I don’t know how to do that, I have been here once before and it lost my words on purpose and this time I am him, mirrored words that a line on palms our hands held together that night I never would have thought this is what I would come to, I am a dying mess of you, this is all your sweet fault, even when you say you fear it I am still here what I’m I doing here, I spilt my own thoughts now I’m left with its certainty, god I’ve been here before where I didn’t want to give it a name but the feeling was so lucky I felt my heart ache, is this heartbreak, say I’ve been here into this feeling falling from the sky this way, I want to tell you please don’t let go, beg with my hands behind my back for you to come back to me, patience is something I am learning for you too, you’re taking space into me and I don’t know how to stop it where is this all coming from, after all that phone call clinged onto me like assurance of my feeling and your honesty, learn me what you said when we were first meeting, I want it all, you tell me you’ve changed not knowing this is who I wanted to know this whole year, lately we’re so afraid of our feelings more than we are of the meaning, the body can not handle all that love, what is that feeling again the one where you don’t understand why, how hearing their voice is enough, how they are enough, when did words become so easy for you, they over share out of your comfort you’re a breakdown for love, two too many, I’m I only lost words, a memory of a feeling, have the souls reversed, sometimes I can’t tell, will you call me again so I can hear your voice just to be sure, I’m scared too, I want to hold both of us, I will never leave you, trust my heart, when have I ever not peeled back my skin for you, this is no wonder, come to me, I will love us both when you find the words to tell me, I am learning patience, I don’t know how to call it this way, I will protect my heart and listen to my body this way too, I have mantras from galaxies back from Jupiter healing me this way too, you’re a long found planet, and I am a curious focus, which is also another way of exclaiming a long list of optimistic metaphors that are still unfinished but shuffled, you want to understand my mind I will share with you all its love come closer I only have you in my mind anyway, I am learning patience, wish my planet luck.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

2.3.19 |cherry

You know too often we get caught glancing, chances thrown at us and we can’t help but ignore them, and I’ve been thinking, should we always risk these kinds of forces, I mean like how often is it we get to make a choice that could give and take so easily, you know what I’m talking about, the ones that are not always as clear or empathetic when it comes to these people, you’ll meet a part of yourself that is telling you to listen to your body knowing very well your mind feels and your heart thinks as if this couldn’t have been anymore simpler, late last night I was looking at planets from bed, closed my eyes for a moment your name in here is this another way to uncomplicate and this just got even more painful, carrying uncertainty is almost like dragging a body, is also like telling yourself you’re worth care and love without the self, still honoring its tradition giving hope with no strings attached this the last effort for your mind to breathe at ease, ready to call home, selfish reasons for you, sometimes, they have to learn what its like to live without a loving mind and careful heart, the ones that claim it are appropriate to this type 4, call home and ask them to hold the door open for your return this is the final downpour, ask the sky to rain down on you, beg it to scare, so you learn to never go back, to drown far from this feeling for something new, treat yourself to take your own breath away you already know what to do, don’t let me repeat it mindless times, go, now.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Moving on, and letting go (interlude ver) | 6.3.19

Adjective proposition, in narrative motion, both a bold statement and a wish or three away, this is a sitcom of stolen words to help with heart on love, I don’t think there’s a word for what that is, actually there is a word for that, its love, when you care about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you its love, and when you just love someone you just, you don’t stop ever, even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy even then especially then, you don’t give up, because if I could just give up, if I could just you know take the whole words advice and move on and find someone else that wouldn’t be love that would be, that would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for, this open dialogue I tell myself then remind them who I am of all the affirmations is this true love, also, in this begins a strong heart is needed, a mindful presence of identity customized self worth bring out the two souls roam your body and feel its presence, the thoughts and emotions you’re are looking for are all surrounding your emperor nobility take it, it is all yours, this whole life time, fall in love with intangibles and show off its love, boast about how close you’re to a feeling that is learnt through a soul, you know exactly what I’m talking about, your body has a wellbeing of untouchable enticement, you say you love, let go, you’re a dependable flame to this fire oxygen first, people say they are going to change and it never happens and people go back to old ways and old habits, move on, its not that simple.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

Gratitude of love (healing us ver) | 6.3.19

How careful, we steal hearts and glances the way we breathe, we use words to never use them in front of each other and sometimes ourselves how often do we wish to stay this soft a greedy us, are so misguided even to our own who gives us permission first, do we only ever seek words that gratify us from all the misfortune we confine our selves in, could we cry us all the oceans in our blue planet the irony is both intended and a learning effort, how determined are we to fail at love until we understand how close we are to its warmth so we say always, want this kind of love first from the beginning before we give it control, when we are a disciplined flame the smoke carries our sky and we get whispered away by worn down hearts trying to heal themselves too, what are the selfish rules we must come to closure within a body that has both bruises and love, they say what they want, there is no wrong way to love someone, that letting go clears the air, the date spent with a returning body, do we devour in perfection our existence close, in order to let go, how much does it really have to hurt until its all over, how do you let go and move on when oceans are irony of a false affirmations, is this human enough for me, how long does it have to heal, is this way of confrontation in narrative too, from healing people too, healing people with unsure love can they only still heal too, I swore I would not repeat him again so why does it still hurt so much, the catch is either you or not them don’t fool yourself any longer, leave this karmic air alone, set us both free, this is how we belong together too.