Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

24.5.17
Unexplainable love (..healing..)

Unexplainable, how this outcome usually comes over flowing with so much state, no context to fix its now, a mess, a message from the body, unexplainable, how each trigger is a constant breakdown, how long will you last this time, an occurrence of memoirs, memories of bombastic emotion, years back, fast forward to now, all the after math leaving this body aching for more, no clear path way, the solutions are all hidden and I am left to find my way out without guidance, without instructions, how do you tame a natural disaster, wave its way into your being so deep, too deep twisted into this soul, watched and felt it make a wreck out of everything that is slowly learning to give it life, have to build it back up every time, can’t help its unexplained terror, the way it attacks this body is a plea for help, wanting to be noticed so it can be eased, the mind is calling to be settled, the body it hurting, can you feel the way it tenses up at public spaces watch you this body run from eyes even its own, so quick to miss mirrors, a reflection of what can beauty behold, can give to this body, in this state is it enough, are you enough so full on this feeling, having to watch it breakdown at its own solutions, running away from self is much harder than running away from others so we make alliance to keep sane, to feel other emotions other than the ones that have lived in this body for longer than we can even remember, do you remember, we chose not to let go, to understand how this body is trying to heal do you remember, how we promised not to give up, that each breakdown means one step closer to healing which means one step closer to self love, which means you’re healing, do you remember, I want you to close your eyes and remember, you’re worth all the effort, you were always worth all the effort, all this love, you’re worth all of it

Garden of Words Anime, RAW: Melody of Being Animate

22.5.17
Garden of words (RAW)

“..you speak to me so gently, like you’re touching something fragile, I’ve never told anyone this before, about a lot of things, do you think its too late for me?-, I wish the rainy season had never ended, I’ve always been here, stuck in the same place, its okay, we’re all human, we’ve all got our little quirks-. Him, I think this might, this might be, her, the happiest, them, time of my life-, him, I think I’ve fallen in love with you, her, together with you, in this garden of words..”

A TANKA: Garden of Words (Japanese Literature)

Narukami no sukoshi toyomite (A faint clap of thunder), sashi kumori (Clouded skies), Ame mo furanu ka? (Perhaps rain comes), Kimi wo todomemu (If so, will you stay here with me?), Narukami no sukoshi toyomite (A faint clap of thunder), furazu to mo (Even if rain comes not), warewa tomaramu (I will stay here), imoshi todomeba (Together with you).

なるかみの, すこしとよみて,
A faint clap of thunder,
さしくもり,
Clouded skies,
あめもふらぬか,
Perhaps rain will come.
きみをとどめむ?
If so, will you stay here with me?

なるかみの, すこしとよみて,
A faint clap of thunder,
ふらずとも,
Even if rain comes or not,
わはとどまらむ,
I will stay here,
いもしとどめば。
Together with you.

– Man’yōshū vol. 11, verse 2514 – 2513,
from the movie The Garden of Words –

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

16.5.17

“how they can only remember how much good with this mouth lay on their skin, fixed to their tune, unwound you, disregard feelings of the mind, so quick to forget, silly, on purpose, don’t understand why this is become a recycled melody, the one you can’t stop playing, trying to understand its tunes will only make it hurt even more, let it go, you don’t need to hum so close to those who don’t want to understand your melody of being animate when it comes to the tuning of this mind, watch closely, can you see their off key isn’t in tune matched to yours, do you see it, look closely, do you see it now..”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

16.5.17

they will always come back, forget too often, silly, can’t understand how much good with this body wrapped with theirs, you’ll make the perfect melody together, they come and never forget to leave this broken song right after they finished admiring and appreciating your melody, this, it happens so often they mask their scent into your skin on purpose, silly, you forget to farewell their animate, don’t let there be a next time

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

13.5.17 |16.5.17
You can’t..(heart beats, you’re strong enough)

You have to be both brave and strong enough to know when to walk away, kin tells me as I spill how I’ve met this unsteady heart beat again, she leaves marks of my thoughts and says what the body has already pleaded at me for, don’t see that the heart is covering up his mistakes so easily, so carelessly, so quick to catch his words, so soft-, I once had a friend tell me be careful, you fall too hard, and I told her I already know that about myself, told her I am always forced to watch them leave after they have told me their truth, after I have told them I promise to be honest with the way I love-, watching their heart leave and mine brake into fragments of their words is the most painful heart brake, you haven’t even told them everything and you are forced to watch them leave so vividly, this time you warned them, you were as honest didn’t tell them about what this heart was feeling, too much, made sure to keep yourself safe from their truth knowing very well the heart sneaked doses of its truth out of this mouth however only the amount this body unconsciously allowed, you’re safe, you’ve only seen him once, you only remember two things clearly about his truth and they coexist of the way he spoke and the way he kissed you, wanting to know and feel at the same time your body was ready to meet a second round, weeks went by and you were starting to forget what truth looked like, forgetting that we must choose ourselves, a few phone calls lost words broken truths, words that are shaken not familiar, you’re left to love yourself first, that night no calls, no explanation as to why, you fall asleep waiting for his words, five missed phone calls after the heart ache no explanation in the form or words to soften the mind, ease the heart and you’re not ready to be excused, pushed to the side, be honey coated you have known these kinds of boys too often, today is the day you’re forced to be strong enough to walk away from what will hurt you when and if you choose to stay, said this body (to this heart).

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

13.5.17 |16.5.17
relax and take notes

“..come n rescue me, I want to leave this life behind n show that I can do greatness for this body, in co existence give it back to those who call love with my name, I want to do so much within this life, within you-, watch it leave at most, at its best will not try to complicate its freedom realize its potential to always leave, what a beautiful thing, to always feel like you can choose yourself first, that you can relax to your own notes, this melody of being animate, closing our eyes to see which reality comes first, this is a whole mess in one moment, take note, when you allow someone into your life you’re allowing reason to believe, you are allowing respect in the name of their truth don’t tarnish it all away so easily next time, or they won’t come back to your twisted way of loving so easily, next time,- she will choose herself over this, next time, you won’t see…”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

13.5.17
It’s complicated…(the heart+love)

back then have you given up, I would have shown you, I was ready to share with you, you were a new light, a new feeling, a fast feeling, don’t touch me I have this will to burn all that comes too close, will leave you scars that will remind you of me, n never of how much I loved you