Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

13.6.18 |14.6.18| “..i love you too..” playing with heartbeats. warning.

Stop it, you’re looking for love in all the wrong feelings, when the world has tested your patience enough take it as a lesson, do not dwell on its proof rather whip lash it compassion that you have been searching for love in all the wrong places, let your body correct you enough so you can see that these beloveds are not for the faint hearted, allow yourself time you have bruised your heart before and guessed the mind games its enough now, listen to what your body is saying, softly place your right hand on your heart be curious about its teachings this being has shown you a lot of its masks to the wrong kinds of hearts, you know exactly the kind of passion, the ones that like to ghost into mysterious and miss a good thing only to come back wishing at the hearts attempt, you’re not attentive to this body, the other day and time again you have watched heartbeats say they love hearts as you have teased its truth, this snake bite is not for the faint, you listened as they tore at the worth of I love you too attendant their hands are the habit at your hips, this is not new for them, you look at him and wonder what he thinks of as nice, want to score him with its consequences, want to yell at his shameful hands when you privilege love pretended to know its true definition is to beat it into and out your mouth, love is not flowers, its more than hope, you’re not to hope in flowers, nice for what, you point blades at their throat reminding them again to have been warned into this heart, you know exactly what it means to love, wishing you could grab nice by the heart look yourself in their eyes a fire burning through your body and into theirs smile at its reflection and say, I know what love looks like, because I know where it begins first-, do not tarnish and leave hearts broken in trails of your insecurities just because you do not understand its complexities peoples hearts are not for you to need to want and discard like empty shells this is a warning to you, next time, I won’t be so gentle, watch your breath suffocate around my existence-, you have been warned.

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Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

13.6.18 | 14.6.18 | Dazzzzed (no flowers here..)

I tag on his pride and he drops to my mouth, I pick him up with my lips make way for his hands tell him I don’t like it slow, want something I can brag about, he takes my hands puts them behind my back tells me he will make sweet melody with my voice I can’t help bite my bottom lip look into his eyes and smile up at him, I tell him fine, and warn him I’m an expert when it comes to the right domineer, warn him again that I can also be an expert just for him, he looks at me trailing my sides until he reaches the soft tail of my back pulls me in and says, I have a bad habit when it comes to hearts like yours, I respond likewise as he wraps his hand around my neck warning me about his presence I can tell by the look in his eyes he is intrigued, he asks me about the undeserving I have allowed into my body commanding he is not like the rest of these heartbeats, I laugh and ask him to stop lying, say he has a lot to prove and words that sing in flowers are not the kind of song you’re after, he tightens his strength around my neck I grab his hand dazed he smirks and says, I am not like the rest of these hopes, I am sharpening my words enough to ignite you the way you like and pay attention to your body, give me everything you breathe in, I don’t like sharing inner beauty of the mind, don’t make me say this again, I taste my lips and say, how long did it take you to practice these kinds of spells I too I’m not hope, you should watch the way you use such honey then I push at his hand, and ask him to tighten his grip he dosesn’t, he tags my purple hair kisses me without missing a beat and says, I don’t like being told what to do there is no truth in my being that way, plus, were’t you curious about my touch, told you I can give you both love and ecstasy, I rest both my hands on his grip look at him and say, chock me harder, please-, soft fire dream.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

6.6.18 \ the L word

I am witness that nothing can prepare to compare when you kiss someone who has learnt to steal your heart charmingly, hands that notice the hiding spaces you quiet down next to them, breathe at the same time to open your world for the L word with your fingertips reaching into their heart and mind, guide them carefully, warn them this wonderland utpoia has been a paralysis of heaven even without their love first, they are the first to be welcomed, you warn them a second time reminding them how this body is selfish when it comes to my love so you tightly hold their hand saying be careful, tell them to speak in trailingual, flowers, speak in the rain and dreams, your secrets are my secrets too now, answer, I have fated us both, choose a kingdom, you kiss them gentley whispering, I’ll be waiting for you right here, so come to find me

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

6.6.18 \ kissing.

Kiss, I can be nice and I can be casanova, I’ve learnt so well what it means to romance hearts and never exhaust melody of being animate, kiss me and tassle your words tightley enough around my neck wrap your hands with mine, please; and melt me with your rare, kiss, I get bored easily so be careful with my heart, it is bored to death with all the lies and split hearts of ghost words with no erotics, kiss me again, I am warned by her’s and him but I could not warn you enough about me, I’ll giggle into your ear whisk my tongue down your lips to your neck you have been warned about how I get my ways, it’s just one allure after another, bite you back and create fantasy right before your eyes, hands tied behind your back, I am not afraid to show you how much I love, when you love me too-, love you.

Article #4: What do you do in situations that break the body? Infj-p self help perspective.

I’m so scared right now. You know when you know that the things that you know just aren’t going to happen to you, and you are sure that these things can not and will not happen to people like you forgetting you’re not the only loyal, honest, thoughtful, respectful person walking this life time regardless of how few. Yea.

Today (third day now) has been rough in terms of love, mental health and overall health. I like to think of myself as someone who is not so terrible in these situations and all I need is proactive advice, space, and time for myself. Let me explain.

When I found out this situation happened to me like most it was an immediate flash of disbelieve and there must be another reason. This narrative is honestly just a semi calculated breather of what I do and did with situations that I feel make me struggle with reasonable response, solution and over all well-being.

So the first thing I want do to when I notice something is wrong is of two things. One, listen to my body and two, seek the professional help needed. It’s so easy in our generation nowadays to Google a self research in these situations, and don’t get me wrong you’re being proactive for your body and that’s a healthy trait. However, it’s when you start to settle for this kind of help is when it becomes unhealthy. Remember, the internet will always be a black hole ambiguous answer engine, when even from the begin, you are unsure about what your body is trying to communicate with you. So be mindful to listen to your body, and seek professional attention.

The second urgency for me after I’ve listened to my body and seeked professional help, is to have some space. This could mean either having some one I love and trust wholeheartedly to talk to, to wanting my own personal space for my mental health to come to terms with the situation. I honestly switch up between the two interms of order because that’s what helps me the most, considering I’m a fairly private person. Just to sum up the second point, communication with some one you love and trust as well as what will personally help you whether it be time alone, or even speaking to your psychologist. This part is customizable, it’s acting as a segway for you to a healthy alternative reliever.

Then the final thing for me personally after I’ve done all these steps in order, is connect with myself in a loving way. You may know this more clearly as self love and self care. The reason why I put this under these two definitions is because it’s so easy when we are in an unfamiliar situation and head space to start to look at the situation in ways that are damaging to our self love and care; And these head spaces are very dangerous to the body in three parts. One your mind, two your body, and three your core. When I say core I’m stressing characteristics that are important to you and help shape who you are like core values, core beliefs and/or faith and more. For me alone time means to rekindle and remind myself the importance of worth, love, and care. I take time to help the love and care for myself as infinitely as I am able by acknowledging I am in no way perfect, that this is another pivotal learning stage in my life and that it will continue to shape me into a more kinder and diligent person. Not only for myself, but also for people whom I care about the most too. Because I understand I love to also help others find these types of life lessons too, as well as what’s the point of knowledge, if you can’t share it. Also I’m learning over all health also means internal health, being mindful of what I choose to put into my body without being too harsh on it’s soul.

Just to beautifully some up this breather. One, listen to your body and seek professional attention, two, take time in your own way everybody is talented different and lastly. Self love and self care is so important do not ever take yourself for granted. YOU IS SMART! YOU IS KIND AND MOST OF ALL YOU IS LOYAL!!! You’re only human so be gentle with your body, and remember perfection is unattainable and does not exist, because to us all perfection is an indifferent perspective and as good of a stereotypical statemeant and/or judgement as “good choices in society’s standards.” I’ll let that sink in.

“Thank you for reading.” _fh

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

23.5.18 | SH****.

Infinity, its started again, pushing love away so that I won’t have to explain myself and I stopped going to see remedy, I’m having trouble understanding the same solutions there’s nothing left to talk about, so I took a break, I had been told and asked to take prescription, but I found it funny how it made me feel worse, food was not even a priority, I gave it up because it was the quickest painful silence I could show, like here, please look at my pain, and tell me it gets better, I started coughing out these happy pills I could taste them in my breath my body was refusing to accept their help, my mind was no where to be found the two souls were forgotten and mistreated, the heart was slowly dying, and my body fought for a feeling, to be alive, it despised its name and told me this is not the answer you’re looking for, I chose not listen to the only thing healthy enough to fight for my health and now I’m in and out of gp’s like the silence in their rooms, I’m trying so hard to be noticed and cared for like my childhood is still gasping for air, I feel my child like self-resurfacing and causing fitna in their hearts because I want so bad to be noticed and cared for without having to cry for help, right now, I’m sitting in my car, confused about what the right thing to do is, wishing I had never tried temporary happiness in substitute for food, like all I knew was to never miss its white lies, to never over look my bodies cries, I just feel lost at this point, feels like there is no other way to drain out the pain because I’m not brave enough to cut out the evidence so this is another way of surviving too,- the only peace I have gained back is, I can feel my body again.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

15.5.18 | untold

Observe, there are no bad people in the world but bad intentions, we are all chose of characteristics to how we are treated and seen how we are visible to the worlds eye too unkind to see that prejudice, judgment and double-edged knives are never the answer to another person’s body reaching out for help, be kind and listen to what they are both saying and not saying this is how we heal, place their heart in both hands and show them they are a home too, sometimes we all need reminding, observe, we are starved for ourselves never forgot that feeling it is crying for help from the deepest parts of your bodies affection, observe, how the rain has this way of at ease this body, I will never really understand why I’m convinced its a secret language between two realms, when it plays lullaby’s I can sleep anywhere, I sleep to this,- you won’t find me, I have so many hiding places that I confuse my breath for the air..

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

15.5.18 | in sync

I create utopias out of nothingness how many more can say they are this type of dangerous when you reach beyond skies you melt into its masses there is no such thing as predictable I’ve always envied those who find themselves in chaos so I learnt how to breathe into this world the way a heart breaks and blood over shares.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

6.5.18 | mapenzi wangu

Come and find me, I like being lost too often it settles the body and rest assures the mind, it has learnt and unlearnt a lot of life, introverted behavior is an abyss of the sky and a melting pot of what ever the mind is capable of, and this illness is a drowing thing that has attacthed itself to me and called it mapenzi wangu, when we sometimes feel lost we are actually learning to be found internally which is why we say we are disconnected this way to the world in the first place, my friends are my reality oasis for the most part, when I hit this close to home I start to see people I reconnect with and kin to family they are my all important parts of my heart I cannot easily let go which means I also want to get close too or too close, unfortunately, I find it hard to let people into my world and I’m convinced that maybe they start to feel disconnected and tricked with me, when these kinds of worlds clash I try to explain to them my abrupt magic tricks and that loving them are the parts of myself that make me feel the most sane, I hope that they do not fall out of love with me, I want to let them see that sometimes I get 10g or more away and they are the ones who bring me back most of the time, I hope they don’t give up on me, when they ask if I’m okay or how I’ve been I can only manage to say words that won’t make them worry, there is so much and not enough of myself for me to help them understand the things about this breath that I’m not already trying to abrakadabra for myself,- ni angalia mimi, ona hapa, maisha hii hapa ni yangu sitaki kubadilisha, nataka kuendelea kama hii hapa nimejifunzia kuamini na kupenda yangu hapa pia,- look at me, see here, this life here is mine, I do not want to change it, I want to continue like this here I’ve learned to believe and love me here too, mapenzi wangu.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

24.4.18
you’re a bit alike you and the sky.

I want to be a lyricist, like I want a love like Kanye, and yo, I wanna be able to be the best dare in life for those cut tongue like connecting unspoken poems, the mind dipped in poison type’a shit, mood like ink to paper, like red, like cells, like what are you made of, like dreams, and listen, I’m not too good at this, I get side tracked exaggerations that always lead with timeless imagination then I get lost, like so lost that I can’t even find me, and you know I also want to make a tempo, that unfair unfamiliar beat that makes your mind want to swallow the body whole, about how we shift this life on its back, how god maneuvers, like what are the variables of our bodies existence to its potential and maybe unlimited to limited, or limited to unlimited you know, this is random, but I mean think about it, if I put you in front of a child would you be able to raise it well, like are you scared of raising it well, like are you scared of raising yourself well, get me, here me out, this wake got me feeling like some type of crazy, side track, I like the way I make them feel like they can’t, like they can, like baby you think you know what I got for you like nah you put it away, all this intuition and complicated I don’t think you can handle me, I have the skill of a shooting star in my palms, palatable I swear, and my friends, yo my friends are they type to become kin with the sky they are one of the loudest happiness I know, if you ever wanna know what it feels like, listen to some J.Cole, Aaliyah, Kanye, some Badu and Kojay, Goldlink, Mike Jenkins, Tupac smoke it all, breathe that shit in cause you know how much truth and water we need in this life, you know I’m also the type of bitch that lights shit on fire too, like, I like to tell people things they are scared of like the truth, like I love you, like mental health is fucking hard, like you lying to yourself too much, like I make good choices, like why are we so scared to talk about what makes us befriend the ocean the way we talk about what makes us palatable, like why are we so lost in our 20’s, 30’s, seems like forever, might be something in the way our body panics or exists, I dunno I’m still lost, maybe something about the way the sky looks at us, like we ain’t shit, like we might actually be the shit, I mean listen, you’re a bit alike, you and the sky.