Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

4.12.17 | royal temptation (this whole poem is a tease.)

I always find it overwhelmingly intriguing, when the heart gets tugged at this way, you feel it in such a raw and familiar calibre that its almost possessive, how quick the heart chooses a kind of trouble, knowing so well how forbidden it will taste, honeyed, these invisible chains are dangerous to a heart that knows no boundaries when it comes to who it’ll sweeten only for them to touch, glance at and tease, they don’t know this kind of willingness is so much painful and pleasure, so dangerously tempting, its really unfair to make the heart and mind turn want into need this much, watching the way heartbeat speaks only to fantasies about what heat can be done about thier throne to this body, how they can come and drink all of this hydration, to nourish them in ways that can only be teased by the sweetest parts of the mind until they are well fed, which means by me, until we are both full, and watch, how they comand this body, need a heartbeat that can dominate both, both honesty and this, a throne of all this woman and all that royalty, come closer, you can’t possibly be comfortable looking like that, let me help you become a little more familiar with the way I mean

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Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

13.11.17
Breath into you
if I had to explain to you how this body works I wouldn’t know where to being, you would have to be spesific, because I have this uncanny of ambiguous proportions that are so grounded and what you want to hear which is the truth you will become so lost and I won’t try to save you, I’ll tell you how beautiful it is to see love and honesty colid and I’ll tell you how you should never believe in other peoples worth words of yourself, I’ll explain to you that you’re the abys of the moon and the mystry of the night sky and this is all magic with just the way you smile, I’ll also allow you to be yourΒ truest self in both comfort and rest the inbtween compatibility you have been longing for with just the right amount of I trust you, I’ll repeat cloud 9’s like do what makes you happy, I am here for you, you will awalys matter to me, do not listen to the world it is just background noise, I’ll also listen to the way you speak and motion be honest with you and promise you that your feelings are the exact match of my heart I can almost touch your emotions this is how much and what is beatiful and I care, alot, I’ll remind you that you get an untouched day every day and wait for your resonpse in your eyes, there are some who will expect you to give and I will be there to catch you when they do not give back, if I had to explain how this body works I wouldn’t know where to begin.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

13.11.17
mezmerize, warm breeze, being swayed by a soft wind in cool kisses this is how imagine it must feel to be content, listen to hip hop lofi beats, anime manga antics, and a misfit for the mind, how you ponder of selfcare and how to fit others into this routine of care you’re a being with a passionate heart, the feeling of your own is so pleasent you almost forget why it is you wanted to leave this world in the first place, there’s something so sweet about solitude they will never understand, if you close your eyes and listen to the sounds of the world I swear you can almost hear your heartbeat too, I dare you.Β  Β _spring otaku love and care antics

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

30.8.17 | Temporary 

Been circling the idea of temporary, a moment so intense it almost feels like its going to last, how do these moments decide their own, are we able to see it coming, how much should we invent into their moment to know if it lasts, if there’s a real chance, sometimes we can’t tell and all the uncanny match up and by then we’ve done too much, such an intense feeling, of not wanting to let go, of not wanting to let go even though they are a bad habit, how long are we allowed to stay this deluded, the dreamer in me is always played for a fool, the calculated oasis in me says you knew how this was going to end, to not trust the body is to play yourself, to play with your feelings, but it is not your fault, as human beings what are we supposed to do when we desire, an intensity so strong we dwell so deep, we didn’t even realize it was this bad until they stopped trying-, I’ve been circling the idea of temporary, moments so intense its going to last, moments decided their own, able to see it coming, we invest into their moment, there’s a real chance, all the uncanny, an intense feeling, wanting to let go, they are a bad habit, allowed to stay, the dreamer in me, the calculated oasis says this was going to end, trust the body, your feelings, its not your fault, human beings, we desire, intensity so strong, realized it was this bad, they stopped trying, been circling temporary, moments so intense, this fear grows.

Poetry: Melody of being Animate

28.8.17

And I still fall in love too easy, try to convince my shadow that this isn’t what it is, say to it that maybe we shouldn’t, can’t you see the heart has already been through so much, when I can’t stop thinking about the way someone makes me feel, there’s no stopping its unsolicited devotion, I sit with the longing until my shadow believes me and even then, the mind is still not swayed, its so easy for my heart to fall in love, when it believes your truth, can’t see how hard it beats at notions, so sweet, the way he hides how he feels, how he asks about my day, the heart likes to know how much you’ve missed it, will tease a feeling to test its loyalty, convince that unsolicited with passionate purpose and tell the mind see, you’re just over thinking it.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

22.8.17 | 23.8.17
Rain.

They say that human beings can’t live on their own, better to have real solitude so it doesn’t matter if Im there or not, said, you’re just afraid from abandonment, you’ve distanced yourself from a lot of things, the real things, rain, the way we love is a comfort to both lover and me, rain, how much it takes away the pain when lover is gleams of the star light and moon light dust rain, that this abyss of existence is slowly eating away at this body, wanting to get lost in its dream it is not afraid, has known too many black holes that have not been seen in the same hope, much like a bitter sweet boy, like how his words are so sweet he forgets that he has to match them words silly, when he tells you wishes like we belong together smile at him and tell him you do not belong to anybody but this one, rain, how I could let this goddess planet cry for every time I have not been brave enough to feel this bodies blues, too afraid of being called broken, scared, that this mental state could be a living thing, is it not stuck to this body enough, maybe, how it knows not to give up like this body does, rain, when I heard my first suicide poem I watched it so many times I replayed the whole 3 minutes in my mind, closed my eyes and become submerged with words that leapt out of their mouths and into mine, my being a resurrection, rain, for every time I look at my older sister, my baby sister and baby brother, rain, when I learn that parents are human too, rain, when I learn that I am human too, can’t see this magic hidden in a broken mirror shards that bleed at the attempting of picking up my pieces, hold them up against the sun light between dreamers and careful words, among friendships and that boy, rain, because you’re allowed to feel and nobody can take that away from such compassion that has been berried for self, keep it safe don’t get lost in its downpour, breathe in this fresh air, open your eyes and see it for all its chaos, give it permission, rain.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

18.8.17 | Care

The introverted mind, a consolation of masses that are too much to even ponder and what it really means when you’re watching the grey sky from inside of your bedroom window, a mental hereon of an illness that leaves you feeling the breeze from inside the body and learning to care about yourself even if its narcissistic, I’ve come to learn that even with all the pondering done there’s not much room left for taking a break, even so, there is a huge appreciation for silence which most would find softly uncomfortable, but when you’re this invested uncomfortable learns to settle into a kind of body and politely it becomes a survival thing, when you spend this much time with the mind and this kind body you pick up on care that is much deeper than what you may have previously composed, you also don’t like picking up phone calls, so often we forget that its okay to be our selves, its hard to remind a kind of existence that only knows what its been told is okay, and the way we unconsciously allow something that is not greater than us to set our kind of normal being, still, it is not our fault, need to learn ourselves to be kind to our own, and never be submissive or kind to a system that is not kind to you, said that we don’t have to be so strong all the time we don’t have to hide so much of ourselves just to please a temporary feeling, a temporary person, we’re always allowed to feel as valid as someone we love, because if it were them, this strange, you would be softer, kinder, and you would love them harder.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

6.8.17

A simulation of what I have gathered the blurred lines it means to be a kind of existence that can see through you and not myself, one, my hands are the oasis of both unknown and sink your teeth into this kind of stream, I have to welcome you first, don’t misread my words, don’t think them too deep I am not one to play with such kind of narrative, two, kink, need I say more, both the imagination and for you to give such words like cake, like red room, like how long can you keep this kind of secret, three, watch how you move, I have mastered the art of caring and not knowing to care too much, I will sugar cane and indulge you in ways the mind and this world may not let you kiss away norm’s the way we like to think we are all normal, four, you can either call this body beautiful, or you can watch this body be, beautiful, this is usually where they get confused, five, can you feel it, the way I touch a heart that knows how to not show too much, will say how they mirror you but you’re just watching how they speak, how they speak in motion to how they match their mouth is to walk, most important thing for everyone to realize is that for any person to see, we are all existence of awareness to what we feel, so if you feel heartbeats too much, watch the mind and body, if you feel the mind too much, watch the body and heart, if you feel the body too much, watch the heart and the mind, this, is how self-care and love playfully intertwine.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

4.8.17
from dusk to dawn

I just wanna be with you right now, when I move this slow I can see the stars come through my room, its like a flame not a light, nothing too soft something like burn like desire like you’re my desire, like so quick, like can you see how fast this feeling catches on to things, people, like things and people, like, since when did people become possession , like who is your possession , no one, this feeling has flamed out and sparked a different kind of light, its not always that bright this clear to see, in the night sky, the night sky, I tell myself its going to be okay, there have been days where I have watched the sun disappear into the abyss of the night forgetting to eat, I have to remind myself to eat, my body doesn’t want to understand this heightened sense of sensitivity, doesn’t like that being this unstable to anxiety is leaving this body wasted into nothing, looking at opportunities has become a burden, unsure of how long this kind of illness can exist, cease to been felt this much, how you smile at kin when they ask if you’re okay, when they ask about that job, one shift, 4 hours no sleep, what happened, and you tell them, you don’t like the way human beings have learnt to bury their belief of you in them, how tight it is to breathe such an invisible noose, under these stresses, mass anxiety is a build up of a house on fire, your body is lit up from all the judge, only to blow smoke in their face you don’t remember thinking yourself so much worth, don’t remember giving yourself in their safe keeping in their palms closed, four corners with no exit what else did they expect when you watch the words judge, you, others leave their mouth is when you watch their body deflate and swear you could almost make out the words rested in the creases of their face you didn’t ask for this, you didn’t see this kind of opportunity coming, you didn’t know how else to break down but you were not going to allow all this hard work around so much love for an illness that is not ready for this world how he, was so careless to pain that can not be seen, don’t know the intensity of words protested, this world is not ready to aid this kind of illness, still learning about its malaise and all you can do is smile and take care of this body learn, it to heal even when they see you as weak, as give up, you’re a silenced savior to your own body, this kind of hero would be too much for them, they are not ready for you yet.

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

2.8.17
Save

I have this really overwhelming feeling that’s doing what it does best when anxiety starts to hit it can only watch and position to catch this kind of stardust, so many times has it been this much only to forget how much it has been save, been hero, forgot too often about its wings, forgot too often about god, see the word forgive in your eyes, this body, this body forgives the mind, not unwanted anymore only heal, late night no sleep, woke mind eased at the attempts of sister sister, calling out her name like all this air, surrounding self with all this feeling could choke on such intensity doesn’t understand that this is too much for me to handle sometimes, and remedy, remedy isn’t here sometimes, I want to be caught by love, I want love to want to catch me, call out my name and cling to the curves on this body, to want this body a blessing come from god to me, from me to you, you’re a blessing in love-, I am afraid of what it means to love a healing body that knows her truth, with the fabled mind that only knows how well it tricks, and a heart weak at love, words that are too beautiful for this world can’t see the lines in between, so sweet the taste is what I imagine it to taste nothing like, still, waiting on words that have motion that come correct with a kind of body that knows not to take a true self for granted, soon, I am whispered, in soon.