Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

26.5.17
can you really love anyone? (..him, me, you…)


He tells me he can love anyone, words that escape his mouth I’m not sure how aware he is of the context of love, that it grasps depth, we wave into conversation about something so tangible seeking its approval before we have found souls to match our definition of love, he says he can love anyone so I wonder what kind of love he has known, does he know the phrases it pronounces, that its more than just tangible, more than just a feeling that it demands the whole body-,

he whisks me up, I think love whispers sweet into your ears, gives new meanings to things we have and yet to experience-,

he kisses me and tells me the mood is lost so deep into conversation, I tell him nah this is hot-,

his words are flames that ignite this body, I tell him to keep tempting its flame and I wonder what kind of love his known-,

can you really love anyone, he said every one of us are capable of good, kind, love, warm, and I wonder does he love anyone, does he know what love means, what it feels like, how often does he watch it speak, can he find it in me too, are we really capable of loving anyone, he says he sees genuine good in everyone, can love anyone, and I think isn’t he right, we are all capable of loving so why is it that some of us choose not to love back, in a the most literal sense of more than us-,

soft hands grab and tease my sides-,

this earth, others, why is it that we don’t choose love even when love loves us back-, ambiguous, can you really love anyone?

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Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

2.5.17
Keep your love (self love..)

“..keep it, I dislike the way it comes for me like the way words have this way of cutting bodies into pieces n showing all our scars for show, fast track to live n love, seek it, find it in self before any, don’t give it unsteady, never quite right, something must be missing, before you have understood love in the form of you, can’t you see this is systematic, this is cycle, that when you fully understand you is when you will understand love, its not as difficult like we like to complicate, feelings getting caught up in unnecessary feelings, don’t let him slip, think he got upper hand, show him this hand bites back, that you can’t taste exchange words n stop without reason, anyway baby girl forget it you don’t need temporary, remember royalty in the form of loyalty in you, remember that you’re only as lovable as you love yourself first, its true, learn to show your body love before you allow it to be seduced, touched in the same gaze, you might not understand it now, but you’re as lovable as you allow being to love you first, don’t believe me..”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

30.4.17 | 2.5.17
No. Baby.

“Don’t you see it, how these eyes can only see right through you, that it doesn’t need careless words to know how the truth sounds, like, been too many times that you been this, this heart beat, a false illusion, confused about the familiar way- you know, I can see it now, how the eyes can be blind to what they tempt, you’ve let it slip too many times n I can hear the way you’re reaching for another, maybe- your voice is now on the same loyalty as paper cuts, that you’re keeping n speaking all the mismatched words that fit perfectly into unsure, giving reason to late night, voicing words that don’t make quite as much sense, did you think you I wouldn’t find out, that when its been this, it has always been this, I have always chosen to share the begging questions of truth, sometimes with answers when most ready, watching my walls slowly brake down at my feet, that you were so close, all you had to do was look at me n you could tell, its okay, I’m now counting how many times I choose to love myself before another, learning that self love ain’t no fake love when it comes to heart beats, slowly learning to choose myself over bodies that come n go as soon as they can’t taste this anymore, still learning that you can’t easily give heart beats chances even when they tell you they are telling the truth, sometimes its better to let them go n give chance to self love- instead..”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

24.4.17
Naked truth (dysfunction, never perfect) (self, heart beats, feeling too much + intensity..)

“..listen to its beats, steady of this mind, how it will turn your thought into interluded narration, your mind is a trapped organ, your finger tips are the only truth in this bodies narration, give it life, so much confused chaos, echoing too loud, can not exist at the same time, each heart beat will get over analyzed to a depth of imagination, the mind is a sick organ trapped in this body, you’ll feel its moods interchange its feeling until, it stops feeling like its painful to breathe, you’ll pick apart your confidence with this bodies words, unsure about which chaotic is connected to its infusion, don’t understand its conclusion, do you see, self, truth, the truth is that self is hard to manage, will always want to write as a form of plea, every poem written is encrypted with wreck, n self, its connected to feeling too much at this intensity, its always trying to mean control, can’t quite catch its pondering, call it for what this organ is feeling, this intensity must mean today is not okay, that when you’re mute to your own silence what is left, that your finger tips will shape shift into mouth, this raw inconsistency is difficult to conclude, to sit with, to breath next to, it comes when most unnecessary, will have you swallowing air before you’re ready to leave your space, before you can close the window n allow all the cool air in, wait..”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

31.03.17
Compromise, family

“..into our personal, do we get to choose, or is it a compromise, do we compromise for family, do we choose to trust family or does, our body use its senses who can you, choose to trust if not family, right, I mean, what are the specifics that we like to, mismatch cross word blur the lines compromise, I mean hurt, I mean how long, I mean, do we compromise, should we compromise or, do we believe that there is, balance in this family, I want you to really think about, how much good necessary in the name of compromise for family, then I want you to, look at your reflection, talk to this body, yourself, the way you talk to family, as it questions n answers the way, you, would compromise for family, we give so much to others before we even give to ourselves where are the blank spaces in this, choose to separate words in the name of comfortable, words like family, like love, that we love family, we can, only honestly give what we have experienced when it comes to advice, n even then is that family, or does this not make sense, do we need to do more when it comes to, family love, how much do we compromise when it comes the words we choose to, give meaning to family, n how much we love in order for them, how do you make family understand…”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

30.03.17
Do you see it..(username)

When I feel the strain of how he has my heart, I think, so this is what it really feels like to desire as though your heart could, escape the body, I think this is what it must feel like to, be high, off love, the type to keep you wake, the kind that knows how each, beat, is as tempting as each thought, n how all you can do is dream, daydream about the delicate way their hands, tightly fit into yours, is what it feels like, to recognize heart beats, to sync yourself with its tunes that, its more than a pacing deception but, the, intense allure of both body n mind, the mind, its seduction, flirtation in its most vulnerable confidence, you watch, no temptress here this, is, what it super powers to know about the bodies secrets, how it will never let go, this feeling, must mean it will never leave, the way it thrives to its loyalty, mime the base of loves curves, do you feel it, how it will overwhelm this kind of love, tell me, do you see it now

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

26.03.17 | 30.03.17
Black girls..(beautiful enough..)

“The truth about spring, it is a false delusion, a what you want to see photosynthesis what they, might tell you, that the sky cries too often into our bodies, that too much of its mood fixated to our feelings, understands the potential growth of each flower, rose, lotus, beauty, how it will double rainbow your extraordinary, give mother earth our time, in twin show our love, as more than, what if’s, but it could be, they don’t, tell you the truth about spring, that each season is a cycle of emotion, unsure about its casting, however, shares common traits of compatibility, wisdom, that your story is a forever told, forever being written, there is no end to its day dream, this is a, what you see what you feel educated, kind of hemisphere, rotation is a must, self love is a super power, the truth about spring is that, it is a false disillusioned dreamer, that you can be as you please, they don’t tell you that you’re beautiful enough, black girl, you’re..”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

23.03.17
Anyone that has met loyalties s..(suicide..)

“Open your window, make plans so you aren’t consumed by its dishonesty, you’ll make rush decisions think they make sense then you’ll be met with, realization or distractions whatever feels more comfortable, you’ll catch its meaning, meditate its feeling n think about, what it is that got you here in the first place, what it is that made you feel so strongly about loyalties s, you’ll figure out the perfect day, realize that the more you think about, the more you are wasting time, you’ll get what you need, sometimes this is so irrational its been in preparation so many times, that sometimes there is no preparation, it was the first time when I was 11 that, I had met such an indecisive me, never felt something that resonated so close to my heart, that made me feel its adrenaline to this extent, I was blown away by its commitment, its wasn’t until multiple similarities, years that went on by, when its attempt to commit started fading, not completely gone, but fading, I stand here 22, waiting, to turn 23 n still, fading, starting to realize that this commitment to loyalties s is slowly, fading each time it gets close to commit, there is a rage of rush memories, emotions, happenings that flow too fluidly it catches me, to realize, the dishonest in this commitment, I put the object back into its drawer, turn the lights off n walk away from its, loyalty, realizing..”

Poetry: Melody of being Animate

21.03.17 | 22.03.17
Fail..Failure..(confront this scheme..) (clinical d__ression+anxiety..)

“..I have always known it, never admit it always gave it an excuse, never gave it closer, it kept coming back didn’t know the difference between its narrative n how it affected this body daily, kept so many secrets away from me like it was trying to teach me a lesson that had no malice, clicked its tongue in my name n spoke of how much better it rang, kept telling me you’re not capable of dreaming that far you’re ill, your mind is constantly playing tricks on you, you don’t understand the way this body functions yet, excuse excuses excuses, a daily habit, basis started to take a toll when it got me, never liked the way it always chose to show its teeth before its mutilated words, thought it was so fitting that now it has excuses to its characters, don’t like the way it had claimed a broken leg, the way its thrown healing out of its excuses, its frustrating narrating to yourself every time it scheme’s, mindful about this bodies narrative never its enemies, will always choose to show its teeth doesn’t understand that loyalties s is not a solution its a demise, can it not see its bias, I’m starting to feel old habits, starting to notice them surfacing scared that self help is not enough, unsure about what this all really means for this body, for me now, unsure if I am showing healing enough gratitude, can feel my body braking from the inside, still no answers, no time span, there’s nothing to help me mend its broken for now, Im starting to feel cracks, it had only been three days ago, I stopped feeling its strain not long until I am unable again, can still feel its teeth sharpening each minute, closer each day, the mind is colonized, the heart is held captive to its fear, the body is constantly anxious about its next move, there’s no where to go when you’re trying to out ran your own..”

Poetry: Melody of Being Animate

21.03.17
I feel sick everywhere…

“..I usually sit with it, wait for the body to re group itself into a somewhat functioning grab my feelings n leave manner, its hard to describe this feeling when its this raw, it feels a lot like the worst possible series of emotions as you drive shards of glasses into the body to help mute the pain, to help silence the unwanted, the confusing, the anger, the compassionate, the sympathetic, the critic, the failure, the unknown, its so easy to eject into this mess, but even harder to eject yourself out of its tight arms, you’ll watch her eyes turn this glaring red as she cries for the unexplained anxiety, her depression is something she can not come to terms with n still refuses to use its correct name, sometimes I am forced to explain to her that its okay that you’re surviving this illness each day, its okay that loyalties s comes n goes, I will always be there to help you guide yourself back to this kin, take my hand n never let go, we are in this together, we have always been in this together, you’re allowed to cry n do nothing, you’re allowed to cry n not know why, to cry n cry some more we all want you to heal, we are all always here with you, for you, you’re never alone I want you to please remember that, we have always been in this together, I know you feel betrayed when you can’t be while you experience opportunities, that you’re forced to feel what you don’t resonate on the outside but what the body wants you to feel, sorry that you have to force your happy, n flaunt this feeling until you feel they don’t feel uncomfortable until they don’t know, seduce their eyes until they stop guessing, trauma has a excruciating way of choosing to visit this body, will give you all its bagged emotion, unreasonable without you opening the door for them they will come uninvited n because you’re not the kind to confront its despair you will allow it to stay n do its damage sometimes longer than it needs then excuse yourself out of its company as you ran out the back door n promise that you’re never coming back, you’ll cry n cry once you realize that you ran away from trauma yet again just when healing has come through your doors to rescue you from trauma’s resilience but by then….”